Children, Do Not Err Like Me

I am a cautionary tale. Tell young children about me so that they may know right from wrong. My mistakes shall stand as warning signs for those who follow. Peasants will sing sad ballads about the poor decisions I've made. There may even be brooding verse written by sad Irish poets about how I've now reaped what I've sown.

I am like a Shakespearan character who makes a fateful decision meant to benefit himself and it becomes his ruin. Yes, I am the King Lear of Oral Hygiene. You see, 7 years ago, I decided that it would be less painful and comfortable to just stop going to the dentist. And now, I've returned to pay the piper. I've been to the dentist three times in the month of March. I've sat in the chair for about 6 hours total. It turns out that 7 years takes its toll on teeth. Who'd of thunk that?

Yesterday, I got 6 cavities filled. This meant that they had to pump so much anesthetic into my face that my children will feel numb. Seriously. When the dentist was done, she pulled out of my mouth this big metal brace, three bales of cotton, a suction tube, a little step stool, and this tiny man with a hatchet. I was like, "Holy cow, I had no idea that stuff was all sitting in my mouth."

So the moral of the story is this: Go to the dentist. If not for the oral health, than go for the boost in self-esteem. Seriously. As the dentist and her assistant were doing surgery to my face yesterday with all these complicated instruments and procedures, all they kept saying was how good of a job I was doing. I'm like, "Yah, I rock. I can lay here with the best of them."