"There's nothing between him and the pavement but a pair of polyester shorts," said Doug. "Please, give that man a door!"
I have always enjoyed the fact that UPS men drive around in trucks without doors. It makes them seem so urgent. "Doors? I don't have time for doors! This package has to be in Cincy by 2!" Opening and shutting doors takes time. It makes me feel secure to know that somewhere, a doorless van is carrying my package with a man or woman just ready to leap out to make sure it gets to me. It also makes me think of UPS drivers as helicopter gunners. Without a door there, they could just whip out the gatling gun at any time.
I'm so proud of those tough, risk-all drivers. They sacrifice their bodies to protect our packages, which they take no risks with--not even just leaving it at my dang door. Here's to you, UPS guy.
I read an interesting Slate article about a new "trend" for couples geting hitched. It said:
"If you've read the British news in recent weeks, you might have come away convinced that American couples are crazy about "meshing," or that when John U.S. Smith weds Mary America Jones, they inevitably anoint themselves the Smoneses (or the Jiths). "Word reaches us of new linguistic horrors concocted by the Americans in their continuing assault upon our common tongue," Carol Sarler announced in the British Observer on July 30. Besides the Observer, the Sunday Times, the Telegraph, and BBC News Magazine have all run stories on the putative trend in the last month. (Even the English-language China Daily picked up the news, scoffing at the latest fad among America's "well-meaning liberals.")
There's just one problem with these trend-spotting pieces: They all list only the same two examples. In 2004, when New York Times correspondent Jodi Wilgoren got married to Gary Ruderman, they changed their surnames to Rudoren. The only other case of "meshing" that is mentioned is Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who used to be Tony Villar
before marrying Corina Raigosa in 1988.
Being a sort-of journalist, I find it fascinating that the press in other countries have made this rare U.S. occurance sound like a trend. It shows how you can use any information to serve your purposes. And here, they've used an 8 year-old instance to make it seem like this is happening every day. As if every couple is going all smash-up with their names. And we now have all these Jiths and Smonses running around. Funny. Like that would happen.
In unrelated news: As of next June 23, I will be Todd Loehertz. Or maybe Herbach. I haven't decided yet.