Something is dead under my bed

Earlier this week I noticed a smell in my apartment. To be honest, being a single guy who lives alone, that's not all that rare of an event. But it was a different smell. It wasn't a sock smell. It was more decaying and moldy. It was like a very pungent garbage smell. So, I checked my garbage and it was fine.

On Wednesday, I got out of the shower and went into my room. And I smelled it. It was very strong and was in my room. But as I sniffed around, the odor dissappeared. I shrugged and decided that it was perhaps outside or something.

Last night, I climbed into bed. (Hmmm. Isn't that a funny phrase? It's two feet off the ground. There's no climbing involved. If anything, I descended into my bed.) I snuggled into my bed and laid on my side. And just a few seconds later, I rolled over to face the other way. And that's when it hit me: the wall of smell. It was very pungent and RIGHT THERE.

Something is dead under my bed, I thought. In a matter of about 1.5 seconds my mind flashed to all kinds of hideous odor producing things that could be down there. There's a lost cat that always shows up on my window will (yah, on the 3rd floor!). There's a squirrel who likes my balcony. Perhaps I left the door open while grilling one day and they died on my floor, I thought. What then?

I got out of bed and turned on the lights. To be honest, I was scared about actually seeing what was down there. I pulled the bed out and used a flashlight to look around. I found some old shirts and washcloths. But none smelled. And then I saw it.

At this point, it was like a movie where a flashback fills in information you need to know. As soon as I saw it sitting there, I could practically see the events of probably well over a month ago. I had hurt my knee doing Ultimate Frisbee. I wanted to ice it down but had no ice (anyone who has ever come to my house knows that I am very bad at keeping the ice tray stocked). So, I grabbed a bag of frozen broccoli and cauliflower. I wrapped it in a rag and went to sleep with it on my knee.

When I woke that next morning, I didn't even think about where that bag had gone. And so it sat, under my bed rotting. And with me being gone last week in 100 degree heat with the air off, oh boy, did it get ripe.

I wish I owned a haz mat suit for situations like this. It was gross. And so pungent. I always knew vegetables were no good.

PTOIT Quotes of the Week

"How else are you going to get people into this move? Nobody wants to see Pacific Air 121. That's like saying Boat to Heaven. People either want to see this movie or they don't. So let 'em know: If you're coming to see this movie, you're going to see a plane full of deadly-*** snakes. That's what it should be called. Deadly-*** Snakes on a Plane." - Samuel L. Jackon in Entertainment Weekly about New Line's attempts to rename Snakes on a Plane.

"Nobody cursing is kind of unrealistic when you're in an airplane witha bunch of ******* snakes." - Samuel L. Jackson again. This time about New Line's attempts to keep SoaP PG-13.

"Many would equate Ecclessiastes with a depressed emo kid" -Family Force 5 member Chap Stique in a devo about Ecclessiastes.