The Animals are Getting Smarter

When I arrived to work today, my boss had a special surprise: Cupcakes with little monkeys on the top. Even better--the monkey faces topping the cupcakes are rings. Oh, yes. One monkey ring to rule them all. My precious.

Speaking of monkeys (as if I even need to use that transisiton on this blog), a study has proven that monkeys can plan ahead. I was hoping the article would talk about monkeys saving for college or making reservations at nice restaurants. But instead, the study found that orangutans and bonobos could plan to use certain tools to access food.

A few years ago I watched this amazing Discovery show about monkeys who planned and carried out this break-out from the zoo. One monkey used a rock to break off a peice of steel from his water tank and then hid it for days before using it to cut the glass of the cage. It was amazing. Also frightening. Here I am worried about the robot rising and there's monkeys all around us planning agaisnt us. This is how Planet of the Apes really begins.

In other animal news (lots of animals in the news this week!), Alaskan zookeepers are committing one of the foulest types of animal abuse: trying to make an elephant exercise. The articles syas, "By their own admission, the trainers have been making slow progress in trying to coax Maggie, a somewhat cantankerous African elephant, onto the world's first treadmill for a pachyderm."

Slow progress? That's because it is an elephant. And you want it to exercise.

For two months, Maggie's trainers have used her favourite treats - watermelon, apples, carrots, peanuts in the shell, banana slices and sweet potatoes to entice the elephant onto the treadmill. So who is the dummy here? It isn't the elephant who won't get on the crazy moving floor. Maggie knows she's got a sweet deal: getting lured with her fave foods. If anyone want to give me free M&Ms, I'll think about exercising too...

So now we go from an elephant too smart to be suckered into exercising (stand strong, Maggie!) to a truly stupid human trick. A man was charged with burglary and criminal mischief Thursday after he allegedly broke into a funeral home and fell asleep in a coffin. Surprisingly, police say the guy was drunk.

Remember that when the non-excercising elephants and monkeys with PDAs take over the Earth. I'll meet you at the Ikea.

PTOIT QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"When I smelled bacon wafting from my new computer, I was thrilled, until I realized it was the smell of my thighs igniting." -From the Salon.com article, iAy Carumba! MacBook Is Hot!

"Even though Pippi Longstockings and the damned Grape Ape are great candidates for the dirty dozen, we might want to consider taking the red beret." -Lost's Sawyer, after Jack announced who is going on the mission to rescue Walt.

"We got caught in a net." -Sawyer, sharing his history with Ana Lucia with his best friend Jack.