The Wild Kingdom

Many people know about my fear of bears. An irrational fear since I live in the Chicagoland area? Maybe. But you never know when one could shimmy out of it's zoo cage and terrorize the streets of the Chicago suburbs. They're crafty.

Well, imagine my fear when I saw this story about a hunter who found a half-grizzly, half-polar bear. The bears are building the perfect killing machine using their own genes!

But as I read the story, my fear relaxed. You see, I began to see this as not a threat but as a sweet story of forbidden love. A Polar Bear and a Grizzly. They came from different worlds. They were told it could never work. But love is a force of nature.

Speaking of the animal kingdom, I've been wanting to discuss a new film for awhile now. Shoot, what is the name of it... It is about these snakes. And they are unleashed on a plane. Dang, what is the name? Oh yah, Snakes on a Plane. I am sure you've heard about it.

Samuel L. Jackson is a cop on a plane with like 400 snakes. It doesn't come out until August but has become a pop-cultural phenomenon. There's fan sites for it. There's a huge cult following. In fact, the early clamoring for it from the Internet community pushed the film company to do reshoots to amp up the gore, camp and violence.

Because there is such a supportive and excited fan community behind it already, I figure it is about time for the backlash to begin. I think I might start an Anti-Snakes on a Plane movement. I mean how good can the acting of these snakes be? Maybe I will claim cruelity to animals. You know kids will see this movie and take their pet snakes on flights--without a proper dosage of Dramamine. And then we have all these air-sick snakes on our hands. Or maybe I will claim the film exploits snakes. Or Planes. Or flight attendants.

On the other hand, I think I may begin supporting this film to become a franchise. Think about how scary Bears on a Plane would be!