Nothing Runs Like Me On An Ostrich

This is me riding an ostrich. The photo is courtesy of Marc. While this never happened (No really, it's not real!), I did have a run-in with the animal kingdom this weekend.

I made a dangerous mistake on Saturday. I underestimated the danger of the wild. Like Siegfried & Roy, I did not respect the full power of an animal and I paid the price.

It started out innocently enough. I was at Jeff and Holly's house for Jeff's birthday party. Our old college roommate Adam (as in it was a while ago, not that he is old) was there. And we were having a lovely time. Until terror struck. I returned from the restroom (that's not the terror) to find Jeff's cat French Fry on my chair. I gently nudged him. He did not move. I poked him harder. He did not move. And so I then picked him up to lift him from the chair to the floor.

That's when all hell broke loose. At first, all was well. French Fry just enjoyed the ride. But then I made a deadly mistake. I paused for a second with the cat above Adam to taunt him. Adam shrieked like a girl and French Fry went wild. Claws went everywhere. Blood spattered. Clothing tore. When it was all over, the cat scurried away, I was left bleeding and Adam was none too pleased. He'd been speared in the side. I got it in the hand. French Fry was untouched.

I apologized to both Adam and French Fry for messing with a power I know not. French Fry was just relying on his instincts. It wasn't his fault. I tread into his territory--where I did not belong. I disturbed the peace of his feline kingdom. He was just reacting as he should as a wild beast. I'm just glad that Jeff and Holly have pet cats and not alligators. Or else, I wouldn't be here to tell about it.

Now for something completely different...
Sometimes I find old notes in my handwriting that I do not remember writing and have no ideawhat they mean. Today on my desk I found a Post-it. All it says on it is: "Kitna cures cancer."

I really have no idea what that means. And I can only guess it refers to Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna. As far as I know, he has yet to cure cancer. But maybe I had a vision. Maybe I am a prophet.

PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 9, 2006)
I am driving in my truck with my brother Chad. I hear a strange breathing noise. I look around to find it. I see several deer alongside the road and think maybe it is them. I ask Chad what he thinks it is. And then I look in my rear-view mirror. There I see a big black bear chasing us. He's fast. We can't lose him. I go around corners and speed up. But he's still there. Finally, I go around a wooded corner--and lose him. He's gone. A few minutes alter, I see him laying in the middle of the road in front of me. The bear is just laying on his back palying with his feet. I speed up and zoom around him--passing him on the left. As I pass him, I look back and realize that he's actually sitting right on the intersection of the highway and a railroad track. That's when I notice a big black steam engine is coming. And it hits the bear. At first, I am horrified. Then I just shrug it off and look forward to getting to the retreat center Chad and I are headed to.