This has been a busy few days. Last night I returned to Sweet Home K3 to attend a concert. I realize that family members will read that and say, "You were back here?" Well, I kinda forgot to mention it. In fact, I have this old friend named Dave. Well Dave went to Lowes to get some stuff last night and ran into my brother. He told Chad that he was in town for a concert of Christian musicians ... and Chad said, "Oh yah, Todd likes those kind of groups."
Turns out, Dave got to the concert and one of the first things he sees? Me.
I got home about 12:30 and couldn't sleep. I was all riled up. I finally got to sleep and woke up early to get some work done because I actually left the office early to come talk to a high school journalism class and warn them about being a journalist. I'm now in the teacher's offices waiting for school to get out and I'm gonna work with the speech team's orignal comedy competitors.
Tomorrow afternoon, I leave for a convention of youth workers. I love this conference. This will be my 4th or 5th one. It's gotten to the point that I am a little burnt out on the conference...but I think I really need the recharge of my batteries. I am looking forward to it. And I will be in North Carolina for the first time. So, that's cool.
11.29.2006
11.27.2006
Long Live the Platypus
Several weeks ago, I was in an office staff meeting and Designer Alecia brought up a story I wrote for our Christian College Guide. The article was a goofy humor piece comparing animal traits to prospe
ctive college students. We titled it "Don't be a Platypus." (My contention in the article is that the platypus seems confused and unorganized.)
The problem, Alecia told me, was that she could find no good photos for purchase of a platypus. She was even dealing directly with the New Zealand park service but still: no luck getting a good, printable platypus photo. Weird. So, being the problem solver I am, I told Alecia I would draw her a picture of a platypus instead. So, I got out my marker and drew this delightful Platypus sketch (at right). You can tell he is confused by the big question mark. He's in a barrel because I don't know what a platypus' body looks like. He is however ready for a formal event.
Alecia thought my drawing was funny and we all had a good laugh. We changed the article title to not be Platypus-specific. And we hung the platypus up on a cubicle wall in the main hallway of our workarea for everyone to see. But then things went bad. That's when Marilyn saw the platypus. Marilyn, our administrative assistant, has a burning hot hatred for the platypus. She insults it anytime she can. She doesn't understand why I drew it. She doesn't like the way it is drawn. She wants it taken down. She doesn't like his tail. She doesn't understand why he's in a barrel or wearing a keen bowtie. She doesn't think a platypus would wear shoes. Hardly a week goes by in which Marilyn does not hurl comments about how much the drawing bothers her or ask why it is still up.
Well, with my artist's pride tattered, I got sweet vindication a couple weeks ago. Former designer Esther came to the office with her 1-year-old Lydia. Lydia loved the platypus. She giggled and pointed at it. She couldn't take her eyes off it. I pointed out to Marilyn how much Lydia liked it.
I don't think the platypus' sudden popularity really impressed Marilyn. Oh well.
ctive college students. We titled it "Don't be a Platypus." (My contention in the article is that the platypus seems confused and unorganized.)The problem, Alecia told me, was that she could find no good photos for purchase of a platypus. She was even dealing directly with the New Zealand park service but still: no luck getting a good, printable platypus photo. Weird. So, being the problem solver I am, I told Alecia I would draw her a picture of a platypus instead. So, I got out my marker and drew this delightful Platypus sketch (at right). You can tell he is confused by the big question mark. He's in a barrel because I don't know what a platypus' body looks like. He is however ready for a formal event.
Alecia thought my drawing was funny and we all had a good laugh. We changed the article title to not be Platypus-specific. And we hung the platypus up on a cubicle wall in the main hallway of our workarea for everyone to see. But then things went bad. That's when Marilyn saw the platypus. Marilyn, our administrative assistant, has a burning hot hatred for the platypus. She insults it anytime she can. She doesn't understand why I drew it. She doesn't like the way it is drawn. She wants it taken down. She doesn't like his tail. She doesn't understand why he's in a barrel or wearing a keen bowtie. She doesn't think a platypus would wear shoes. Hardly a week goes by in which Marilyn does not hurl comments about how much the drawing bothers her or ask why it is still up.
Well, with my artist's pride tattered, I got sweet vindication a couple weeks ago. Former designer Esther came to the office with her 1-year-old Lydia. Lydia loved the platypus. She giggled and pointed at it. She couldn't take her eyes off it. I pointed out to Marilyn how much Lydia liked it.
I don't think the platypus' sudden popularity really impressed Marilyn. Oh well.
11.21.2006
Time to Give Thanks
Today, I am starting a new feature that is blatantly stolen from The Gat. As he was turning 30, he did a series of Top 30 lists. I plan to do one a week until The Blessed Occasion of My Birthday. Today's will be holiday-related and be the 30 Things I Am Thankful For Right Now. I decided to leave out the stuff that you expect. I am very thankful for my family, My Intended, My friends and Jesus. Those are givens. And then I just went from there.
30 Things I am Thankful For
30. Pants. Is there anything we take more for granted? Where would we be without pants? Half-naked that's what. I enjoy pants and I am not too proud to admit it. My favorite pants right now are my Hip Jeans. (Although a nice pair of pajama pants are never to be taken for granted.) But of all time, my faves would have to be a black pair of parachute pants that an older cousin passed down to me. I was so cool. About 10 years too late.
29. Drew Brees. Without him, my Fantasy Football season would be shot. His 4-week span of 300-plus yard games (and one topping 500) has carried my team into playoff contention despite losing both starting runningbacks to injury.
28. Rappers. Where else would we get phrases like "I'm like George Foreman, I'm selling so many grills," "I'm not a businessman, I am a business, man," "I am the king of Boogle. There is none higher. I get 11 points for the word Quagmire" and "Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week?" I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself. Word to your mother.
27. That I'm not French.
26. Chocolate. Let's just call them as we see them, huh? Favorite foods deserve much thanks.
25. Taffy Apples
24. Peanut Butter
23. My Dreams. I just love that every morning I wake up to the joy of thinking about my internal amusement the night before. Last night, I was playing with action figures. I mean in my dream. Not in real life. Really.
22. Brian Urlacher. Let us all give thanks for 54 and the bounty he brings to us. Amen.
21. That I work with people who engage me in conversation like, "So, is it pronounced giblets or jiblets?"
20. My cool new Sketchers. They are like ultra-hip bowling shoes. They're the perfect combination of cool and comfort. They feel like wearing slippers. Oh yah.
19. Cars. Walking stinks.
18. The times when Blogspot lets me post picture. Because on days like today when it doesn't, I get very angry.
17. Dental Hygiene. Like photos on Blogspot, it's when you don't have it that you realize how wonderful it is. I am thankful for Dr. Sup and the art of flossing.
16. Robots "These are a few of my favorite things..."
15. Pirates
14. Monkeys.
13. Da Bears. The score of this year's Super Bowl? 63 - 3. If Ditka were involved, 103 -0.
12. TV. And not just my current shows like Lost, Heroes and Studio 60 but all the great TV that has has kept me entertained from The Muppet Show to MacGyver to Buffy to Firefly. Thanks for being my friend.
11. Movies. There's a reason I dream about robots and vampires. I watch too many movies. But without the creative outlet of movies, I'd be...well, I'd be about the same but without lots of nerdiness and weird dreams.
10. That my nephew Landon's name has so many nickname opportunities like L-Dubs and Lando.
9. Salt Creek Barbeque. I am so thankful to have this restaurant. If I were Popeye, it'd be my spinach.
8. Joe Crede. And I would like to be thankful for him as a White Sox NEXT year too, Kenny Williams.
7. Tadahito Iguchi. My plan to name my first born (Boy: Tadahito, Girl: Tadahita) after the 2nd baseman has already been shot down. But I'm told we can name the dog Tadahito.
6. Jermaine Dye. Perhaps the coolest baseball player? For sure one of the most underrated. The true Hero of Soxville.
5. Paul Konerko. I cannot hear Metallica's "Harvester of Sorrows" without getting a voluntary rush of excitement that he'll hit a dinger. And then I just realize I am sitting in my car. And it's November. Thank you Paulie. Just for being you.
4. Jim Thome. Is there any greater story than the evildoer who comes to the light? He's like our Anakin. Our apostle Paul. From Indian to Sox, Jim is our champion.
3. Ozzie Guillen. Thank you, Ozzie. Thank you so @#$% much for *&$#%@ *#$&!#.
2. The White Sox. Yah, I've listed several individuals. But this is that I'm thankful for the club as an entity. I think back on how my family and friends have bonded over this team for years and how it's just so great to have a common bond no matter what the ballclub actually does. But of course it is nice when they win, thus...
1. The 2005 White Sox. Yes, it is over. We are not champions any longer. But I shall forever be thankful that I have that joy in my heart. Of course, winning again would be cool too.
30 Things I am Thankful For
30. Pants. Is there anything we take more for granted? Where would we be without pants? Half-naked that's what. I enjoy pants and I am not too proud to admit it. My favorite pants right now are my Hip Jeans. (Although a nice pair of pajama pants are never to be taken for granted.) But of all time, my faves would have to be a black pair of parachute pants that an older cousin passed down to me. I was so cool. About 10 years too late.
29. Drew Brees. Without him, my Fantasy Football season would be shot. His 4-week span of 300-plus yard games (and one topping 500) has carried my team into playoff contention despite losing both starting runningbacks to injury.
28. Rappers. Where else would we get phrases like "I'm like George Foreman, I'm selling so many grills," "I'm not a businessman, I am a business, man," "I am the king of Boogle. There is none higher. I get 11 points for the word Quagmire" and "Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week?" I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself. Word to your mother.
27. That I'm not French.
26. Chocolate. Let's just call them as we see them, huh? Favorite foods deserve much thanks.
25. Taffy Apples
24. Peanut Butter
23. My Dreams. I just love that every morning I wake up to the joy of thinking about my internal amusement the night before. Last night, I was playing with action figures. I mean in my dream. Not in real life. Really.
22. Brian Urlacher. Let us all give thanks for 54 and the bounty he brings to us. Amen.
21. That I work with people who engage me in conversation like, "So, is it pronounced giblets or jiblets?"
20. My cool new Sketchers. They are like ultra-hip bowling shoes. They're the perfect combination of cool and comfort. They feel like wearing slippers. Oh yah.
19. Cars. Walking stinks.
18. The times when Blogspot lets me post picture. Because on days like today when it doesn't, I get very angry.
17. Dental Hygiene. Like photos on Blogspot, it's when you don't have it that you realize how wonderful it is. I am thankful for Dr. Sup and the art of flossing.
16. Robots "These are a few of my favorite things..."
15. Pirates
14. Monkeys.
13. Da Bears. The score of this year's Super Bowl? 63 - 3. If Ditka were involved, 103 -0.
12. TV. And not just my current shows like Lost, Heroes and Studio 60 but all the great TV that has has kept me entertained from The Muppet Show to MacGyver to Buffy to Firefly. Thanks for being my friend.
11. Movies. There's a reason I dream about robots and vampires. I watch too many movies. But without the creative outlet of movies, I'd be...well, I'd be about the same but without lots of nerdiness and weird dreams.
10. That my nephew Landon's name has so many nickname opportunities like L-Dubs and Lando.
9. Salt Creek Barbeque. I am so thankful to have this restaurant. If I were Popeye, it'd be my spinach.
8. Joe Crede. And I would like to be thankful for him as a White Sox NEXT year too, Kenny Williams.
7. Tadahito Iguchi. My plan to name my first born (Boy: Tadahito, Girl: Tadahita) after the 2nd baseman has already been shot down. But I'm told we can name the dog Tadahito.
6. Jermaine Dye. Perhaps the coolest baseball player? For sure one of the most underrated. The true Hero of Soxville.
5. Paul Konerko. I cannot hear Metallica's "Harvester of Sorrows" without getting a voluntary rush of excitement that he'll hit a dinger. And then I just realize I am sitting in my car. And it's November. Thank you Paulie. Just for being you.
4. Jim Thome. Is there any greater story than the evildoer who comes to the light? He's like our Anakin. Our apostle Paul. From Indian to Sox, Jim is our champion.
3. Ozzie Guillen. Thank you, Ozzie. Thank you so @#$% much for *&$#%@ *#$&!#.
2. The White Sox. Yah, I've listed several individuals. But this is that I'm thankful for the club as an entity. I think back on how my family and friends have bonded over this team for years and how it's just so great to have a common bond no matter what the ballclub actually does. But of course it is nice when they win, thus...
1. The 2005 White Sox. Yes, it is over. We are not champions any longer. But I shall forever be thankful that I have that joy in my heart. Of course, winning again would be cool too.
Where Have All The Zombies Gone?
After reading yesterday's Dream Log!, Marc came to me with a very important observation. He said, "You were helping Tony Blair. Why weren't you fighting him? What has happened to your dreams?" You know, I have not thought about this, but Marc is right. It's been a long time since I've had a fighting dream.
In my past, my dreams have featured me fighting vampires, robots, zombies, zombie gargoyles, alien meteorite zombies, SD6, The Others, Cubans (the people, not the cigars), friends who've been turned into vampires (sorry, Jill!), Nazis, and more.
But now? No fighting. I had a dream a few months ago where my brother and I were some kind of agents or cops, but we weren't really fighting anyone. And I didn't have my trademark weapons of a wooden bat or fire poker (Sorry again, Jill!). So, something has changed.
As Marc and I talked--and I later thumbed through my dream journal--I began to realize that my fighting dreams tapered off at about the exact time I began my relationship with My Intended. I'm not gonna get all mushy here, but as Marc said, there may be some coorelation here between my dream struggles and my singleness. Perhaps I was wrestling with some intangible demons that in my dreams became literal, tangible demons. This wouldn't be the first time that my state of singleness seeped into my dreams.
So how do I now explain doing eXtreme Sports with Tony Blair? I'm guessing late-night burritos.
In my past, my dreams have featured me fighting vampires, robots, zombies, zombie gargoyles, alien meteorite zombies, SD6, The Others, Cubans (the people, not the cigars), friends who've been turned into vampires (sorry, Jill!), Nazis, and more.
But now? No fighting. I had a dream a few months ago where my brother and I were some kind of agents or cops, but we weren't really fighting anyone. And I didn't have my trademark weapons of a wooden bat or fire poker (Sorry again, Jill!). So, something has changed.
As Marc and I talked--and I later thumbed through my dream journal--I began to realize that my fighting dreams tapered off at about the exact time I began my relationship with My Intended. I'm not gonna get all mushy here, but as Marc said, there may be some coorelation here between my dream struggles and my singleness. Perhaps I was wrestling with some intangible demons that in my dreams became literal, tangible demons. This wouldn't be the first time that my state of singleness seeped into my dreams.
So how do I now explain doing eXtreme Sports with Tony Blair? I'm guessing late-night burritos.
11.20.2006
Daniel Craig je dobrý. Daniel Craig je Bond.
A big first for me today: I got to see something I wrote translated into another language. So, if you've wanted to read my Casino Royale review while pretending you're in Slovakia, you're finally in luck!
PTOIT Special Feature: Dream Log!
To answer his critics, Tony Blair demonstrated his trust in U.S. President Bush by stepping off an airplane and riding a zipline to the ground. I watched the stunt on CNN and was impressed that he'd do that--but not really getting the connection between Bush and Xtreme sports. Then, I am on top of this huge black house with Blair. We are preparing his second stunt. He asks me to do it with him. So, we jump from the roof and land on this other house. All is fine until the shingles give way and we both begin sliding down the steep roof. Thinking quickly, Blair and I build this anchoring device as we slide. It's basically a metal stick. Blair throws it to me and I stick it in the roof and it catches us both. The metal device has a rope in it that we use to very gently lower ourselves to the ground. Even though it was a blundered stunt, everyone on the ground thinks it went as planned and cheer for us. My Intended's mom approaches. She's the Queen of England. She asks Blair and I which British Royal is our favorite.
PTOIT Special Feature: Dream Log!
To answer his critics, Tony Blair demonstrated his trust in U.S. President Bush by stepping off an airplane and riding a zipline to the ground. I watched the stunt on CNN and was impressed that he'd do that--but not really getting the connection between Bush and Xtreme sports. Then, I am on top of this huge black house with Blair. We are preparing his second stunt. He asks me to do it with him. So, we jump from the roof and land on this other house. All is fine until the shingles give way and we both begin sliding down the steep roof. Thinking quickly, Blair and I build this anchoring device as we slide. It's basically a metal stick. Blair throws it to me and I stick it in the roof and it catches us both. The metal device has a rope in it that we use to very gently lower ourselves to the ground. Even though it was a blundered stunt, everyone on the ground thinks it went as planned and cheer for us. My Intended's mom approaches. She's the Queen of England. She asks Blair and I which British Royal is our favorite.
11.17.2006
See yah, sucka
Neal Cotts was traded from the White Sox yesterday. My sister is not happy at all. The worst part for her is not that he's no longer a Sox. Nor even that he's an arch-rival Cub. But that he apparently won't look as cute in Cubby blue. I, however, am just fine with his departure. The last time we traded with the Cubs we gave up some no-namer and got a young kid named Jon Garland. That worked out OK.Anywho, I heard the Cotts news from my sister yesterday at noon. I was at a lunch meeting. When I left--and was walking down the street with my boss--I saw I had two voicemails from my sister. Just then, a man ran out of a shop and said, "Chris, Chris. I have a man here who knows you!" This guy was my boss' barber. And an old friend of Chris' just happened to be in the chair.
I followed Chris in to say hello. After the initial greetings, I backed against the wall to check my voicemail while this man told Chris how he was doing. I tried to be polite and still nod and gently smile as the man talked--even with my cell to my ear. In the first message, my sister was despondent about the deal. In the second, she was angry over how they were star-crossed lovers and he'd look less attractive in a Cubs uniform. This made me smile and giggle aloud.
That's when I looked up and realized that the man in the barber chair--who I was kinda pretending to listen to--was talking about his rough battle with cancer. And I'm here giggling.
This really hasn't been a good year for Cotts and I.
Quote of the Week
"Actually, they said they were interested in the house because of the well-kept lawn boy." -Doug V, after I teased him that people were interested in his house only because of the well-kept lawn (by yours truly).
11.14.2006
Stream of Thought
10 Things Bugging Me Right Now: 10. Those Jeep commercials where the cars are mistaken for bugs. How did that idea come up in a meeting? "So, I think it would be appealing if our cars were disquised as insects. Everyone likes bugs. Pass the pipe."
9. I've lost Clinton Portis from my fantasy team due to injury. Just when I made a dramatic burst into playoff contention. Drat.
8. This head cold.
7. The Ten Commandments: The Musical. Actually, it's not really bugging me. But I wanted to work it in today. We got this mailed to us at work. I assumed it was somekind of parody or publicity stunt. But, no. It's real. It seems like something they'd do on The Simpsons. After all, they did Planet of the Apes: The Musical.
6. People who park here at work in spots that are not parking spots. Some people like to say I am a Parking Nazi, but I get here early and get a good spot. But then, people who arrive late for work get equally good spots by cheating and parking in places where there are no lines--or are actually marked as no parking. It's the justice of it all. We have rules and guidelines for a reason and you just can't park all willy-nilly. Today, it's parking wherever you want, tomorrow it's martial law.
5. That ad on the ChristianityToday.com site with a lawnchair-turned-wheelchair. It's a great ministry, it just looks funny.
4. This guy I met today who's fingernails were all well-trimmed except for both of his pinkies. Those nails were about an inch long. What's up with that? Is he a cage fighter?
3. That I can't come up with 10 real things that bug me. That must mean that things are going pretty welll.
2. The fact that people are starving in Africa, slavery still exists, children are kidnapped into the sex industry and I am sitting here complaining about bug-cars and parking spaces.
1. Those Bug-Jeeps again. If I wanted a car that looked like a bug, I'd look for a big green Praying Mantis one. Because it'd be scary.
11.10.2006
I Thought They Smelled Bad on the Outside
Since everyone has been having so much fun with that lawnmower pic, I thought I'd jump in the game too. When Marc first did the ostrich photo, I'd been wanting to Photoshop myself onto a Tauntaun. (Yes, I am that big of a geek.) However, my laziness got the best of me until The Gat revived my enthusiasm for the idea by mentioning it in a comment.
My favorite part of this image is how ill-prepared I am for the elements. I may freeze before I reach the first marker, but I am so happy about it.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Protein is good in your stomach, not on your mail." -LaTonya about why she wouldn't take her stack of mail while eating a hard-boiled egg.
"Thanks to a diet of nutritious sausage, Billy Dee Williams is ageless." An article on scifi.com.
*Special Apologies to Holly who had the best quote of the week last week and was snubbed from PTOIT inclusion. At the Sycamore Pumpkin Fest parade, Holly saw a Shriner in a mini-Pink Cadillac go-kart and made reference to sales promotions for Mary Kay ladies. It was wonderful...
11.08.2006
I'm Too Sexy For The Focus
That's right, everyone. My career as a model is BOOMING. I've made my second appearance in Today's Christian in two issues. This time, you can almost make out my face! And I'm featured with Friend Kibibi. Having us both in the same photo is risky. That's just a lot of good looking for one page.Speaking of photos, I need to build some suspense about tomorrow's blog post. Be sure to come back because we have the latest entry in the "Todd Riding Stuff" series.
Pop Culture Prophet
One thing that Former Boss Randy (Hey, Rando!) and I used to joke about was me being a Pop Culture Prophet. It came about because I kept having these nerdy dreams about movies and TV that would come true. I predicted Survivor winners more than once in my dreams. And before every Star Wars prequel came out, I'd have a dream about seeing it early. My reaction to the movies in these dreams was always an indicator of the movie's quality: The first two being disappointing and the third awesome.
My Pop Culture Prophet-ness continues.
From Putting the Odd in Todd (PTOIT) on May 5, 2006:
"I wanted to put this quote up on my blog so that when Britney and Kevin Federline divorce in 6 months I can act like I knew it. Kevin told Spin magazine, 'I ain't getting no divorce. I don't believe in that. Once you get married, you're in it for the fight.' Good luck, man."
I was off by two days. Two Days.
But you know, I don't really want to be all proud and snarky about it. It's just sad.
Day of Decision 2006
I wasn't going to vote yesterday. The political just doesn't rev me up all that much. But, I finally decided at the end of the day to go for it. I crammed my head with campaign info and did my part. As I was driving over to the polling place I thought that it'd be a lot easier if the U.S. did political elections like Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. If we could sit in our living rooms and just text in some votes, I bet voter turn-out would be higher. And Mario Lopez would be governor.
I also thought that I'd get into politics much more if there was a Fantasy Politics league. You could draft candidates and get points based on votes and such. Good times. In fact, I'd get much more involved in anything if it was put into a Fantasy Football-like format.
At my polling place yesterday, I got caught in some kind of electronic vs. paper debate between polling officials. I got my little card from this eldery polling official. She told me to walk to the end of the table to get my paper ballot. I guess I misunderstood what the woman meant. I walked to the end of the table but there were no ballots there--Just a younger woman who said, "Did you want to vote electronically?"
I said, "Sure, I don't care. Whatever."
And then, The Eldery Woman said, "Talk to the other lady to get your paper ballot."
Whenever I am doing something official--like voting--I just assume that those in charge know what they are talking about. I just assume there is a right way to do it and they will instruct me how. So, I decided that I must have to vote with the paper ballot for some reason. So, I say, "Oh, OK. I guess I will use the paper ballot."
At that point, the Young Woman says, "You can vote electronically. You wanted to do that?"
I wasn't sure really what was going on. I still really don't understand why I was being asked to chose. Or really what I was choosing between. But what resulted was about 8 election officials all campaigning for me to vote one way or the other--paper or electronically.
Honestly, I could care less how I voted. So, I kinda just started twitching and turning back and forth between the stack of paper ballots and the electronic booth. An Old Crabby Polling Official yelled, "Just make up your mind!"
On the verge of tears, I grabbed a paper ballot and hid in the little booth. As I was voting, I heard the Young Woman say, "I guess I'll just take down the electronic booth. No one is using it." Right then, a woman said she'd vote with it and everyone was very happy. Except the Pro-Paper side.
I also thought that I'd get into politics much more if there was a Fantasy Politics league. You could draft candidates and get points based on votes and such. Good times. In fact, I'd get much more involved in anything if it was put into a Fantasy Football-like format.
At my polling place yesterday, I got caught in some kind of electronic vs. paper debate between polling officials. I got my little card from this eldery polling official. She told me to walk to the end of the table to get my paper ballot. I guess I misunderstood what the woman meant. I walked to the end of the table but there were no ballots there--Just a younger woman who said, "Did you want to vote electronically?"
I said, "Sure, I don't care. Whatever."
And then, The Eldery Woman said, "Talk to the other lady to get your paper ballot."
Whenever I am doing something official--like voting--I just assume that those in charge know what they are talking about. I just assume there is a right way to do it and they will instruct me how. So, I decided that I must have to vote with the paper ballot for some reason. So, I say, "Oh, OK. I guess I will use the paper ballot."
At that point, the Young Woman says, "You can vote electronically. You wanted to do that?"
I wasn't sure really what was going on. I still really don't understand why I was being asked to chose. Or really what I was choosing between. But what resulted was about 8 election officials all campaigning for me to vote one way or the other--paper or electronically.
Honestly, I could care less how I voted. So, I kinda just started twitching and turning back and forth between the stack of paper ballots and the electronic booth. An Old Crabby Polling Official yelled, "Just make up your mind!"
On the verge of tears, I grabbed a paper ballot and hid in the little booth. As I was voting, I heard the Young Woman say, "I guess I'll just take down the electronic booth. No one is using it." Right then, a woman said she'd vote with it and everyone was very happy. Except the Pro-Paper side.
11.06.2006
The Twinkie Factor
I am happy to announce that I did not die in my box.
In fact, I am now self-proclaiming myself as an expert of sleeping in cold weather in cardboard. (I would never claim to be THE leading expert because it's such a competitive field.) My box was nothing short of toasty. I went inside the box about midnight. I fell asleep in about ten minutes and slept straight through until 6:30. Not only was I warm, but I was quite cozy.
The box's strength was "The Twinkie Factor," as I like to call it. The box was wide but shallow. I taped pink home insulation to the inside walls. I slid my couch cushions inside. And then on either side of the cushions, I filled in the gaps with blankets. I slid into my sleeping bag on top of the cushions and locked the door with a screw and bolt. I then put a rolled-up sheet against the door. So basically, the box was stuffed with warm blankets and cushions--with me shoved into the middle. I was the twinkie's cream filling: Pasty, sweet and delightful. And very, very warm.
No, I couldn't move much in my Twinkie box. And when I woke Sunday morning, I slithered out much I was being born. But that's a small price to pay for staying warm in 35 degree weather.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 10, 2006)
I was running a marathon--inside a high school while it was in session. There were a lot of people in the halls and it made it difficult. At the rest stop in the cafeteria, I got a small cup of gatorade. But then, I couldn't figure out where the route was because there were so many hallways leaving the cafeteria and so much traffic. Finally, I just ran outside and around the building to find where I needed to be. When the marathon was over, I went to Cornerstone. And Michael Jackson was performing. I knew it was him by the white glove.
In fact, I am now self-proclaiming myself as an expert of sleeping in cold weather in cardboard. (I would never claim to be THE leading expert because it's such a competitive field.) My box was nothing short of toasty. I went inside the box about midnight. I fell asleep in about ten minutes and slept straight through until 6:30. Not only was I warm, but I was quite cozy.
The box's strength was "The Twinkie Factor," as I like to call it. The box was wide but shallow. I taped pink home insulation to the inside walls. I slid my couch cushions inside. And then on either side of the cushions, I filled in the gaps with blankets. I slid into my sleeping bag on top of the cushions and locked the door with a screw and bolt. I then put a rolled-up sheet against the door. So basically, the box was stuffed with warm blankets and cushions--with me shoved into the middle. I was the twinkie's cream filling: Pasty, sweet and delightful. And very, very warm.
No, I couldn't move much in my Twinkie box. And when I woke Sunday morning, I slithered out much I was being born. But that's a small price to pay for staying warm in 35 degree weather.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 10, 2006)
I was running a marathon--inside a high school while it was in session. There were a lot of people in the halls and it made it difficult. At the rest stop in the cafeteria, I got a small cup of gatorade. But then, I couldn't figure out where the route was because there were so many hallways leaving the cafeteria and so much traffic. Finally, I just ran outside and around the building to find where I needed to be. When the marathon was over, I went to Cornerstone. And Michael Jackson was performing. I knew it was him by the white glove.
11.03.2006
Putting Todd in a Box
Tomorrow night, I will be sleeping in a cardboard box. Outside. In the cold.
DuPage County is lucky enough to have an organization called Bridge Communities that helps homeless people get not just handouts but a means to climb out of their struggle. They get financial counseling, inroads to jobs, etc. Eventually, they are on their own feet again and even become homeowners. It's a neat program. Every year, Bridge's big fund and awareness drive is Sleepout for the Homeless. Our church participates. Three years ago, the youth group boys pointed out that the homeless do not have tents to sleep out in. And so, our tradition of sleeping in boxes was born.
I built my box last night. It's not quite done yet, but I am proud of it. It has a door with a seal and a pulley system that closes it tightly. It will have insulated walls (oh yah!). And a padded floor (couch cushions). I also plan on adding plastic to keep the dew from seeping in. This is serious business.
The first year we did this, I woke up in the middle of the night freezing. I was in one of those cocoon sleeping bags where you are supposed to sleep in a t-shirt and boxers because the bag uses your own body heat to warm you. Well, I don't like that strategy. I'd rather have lots and lots of blankets and clothes.
Laying in the box that night in just my underwear caused some inner-dialogue that I'm both amused by and ashamed of.
It was about 3 in the morning. It was freezing. I was in a box. And I knew I had youth group kids in boxes all around me. I thought:
"How cold can you get before you die? At what point does the human heart just stop? Could one of my kids be dead? They might be dying. I should go check. Wait. I'm in my underwear. I'd have to run out there in just a shirt and shorts. Or get dressed. It'd take awhile to get dressed. And be cold. I could stay here. I am sure they are fine. They're young. Their hearts are strong. I'll just stay here."
QUOTES OF THE WEEK!
"Seventy percent of the world is covered by ocean. The other 30 percent is covered by the BEARS defense." -My sister.
"Am I a bad person if I don't love Lucy?" -Camerin, after watching an episode of I Love Lucy.
"Look at you all fuzzy! You look like a bear." -Fleener to a co-worker in a big sweater.
"I asked Mom how Landon's first Halloween was going and she said, 'He's the cutest trick-or-treater ever.' I asked Chad and he said, 'He won't stop screaming and he peed his pumpkin outfit.' " -My sister.
"It's only cool to pee in your pumpkin outfit when you're an infant. Now, not as cool." -My sister.
"Wait a minute. Whoa, there it was. I brought my sexy back. Oh. It's gone again." -Fleener
DuPage County is lucky enough to have an organization called Bridge Communities that helps homeless people get not just handouts but a means to climb out of their struggle. They get financial counseling, inroads to jobs, etc. Eventually, they are on their own feet again and even become homeowners. It's a neat program. Every year, Bridge's big fund and awareness drive is Sleepout for the Homeless. Our church participates. Three years ago, the youth group boys pointed out that the homeless do not have tents to sleep out in. And so, our tradition of sleeping in boxes was born.
I built my box last night. It's not quite done yet, but I am proud of it. It has a door with a seal and a pulley system that closes it tightly. It will have insulated walls (oh yah!). And a padded floor (couch cushions). I also plan on adding plastic to keep the dew from seeping in. This is serious business.
The first year we did this, I woke up in the middle of the night freezing. I was in one of those cocoon sleeping bags where you are supposed to sleep in a t-shirt and boxers because the bag uses your own body heat to warm you. Well, I don't like that strategy. I'd rather have lots and lots of blankets and clothes.
Laying in the box that night in just my underwear caused some inner-dialogue that I'm both amused by and ashamed of.
It was about 3 in the morning. It was freezing. I was in a box. And I knew I had youth group kids in boxes all around me. I thought:
"How cold can you get before you die? At what point does the human heart just stop? Could one of my kids be dead? They might be dying. I should go check. Wait. I'm in my underwear. I'd have to run out there in just a shirt and shorts. Or get dressed. It'd take awhile to get dressed. And be cold. I could stay here. I am sure they are fine. They're young. Their hearts are strong. I'll just stay here."
QUOTES OF THE WEEK!
"Seventy percent of the world is covered by ocean. The other 30 percent is covered by the BEARS defense." -My sister.
"Am I a bad person if I don't love Lucy?" -Camerin, after watching an episode of I Love Lucy.
"Look at you all fuzzy! You look like a bear." -Fleener to a co-worker in a big sweater.
"I asked Mom how Landon's first Halloween was going and she said, 'He's the cutest trick-or-treater ever.' I asked Chad and he said, 'He won't stop screaming and he peed his pumpkin outfit.' " -My sister.
"It's only cool to pee in your pumpkin outfit when you're an infant. Now, not as cool." -My sister.
"Wait a minute. Whoa, there it was. I brought my sexy back. Oh. It's gone again." -Fleener
11.01.2006
Boo!
The Chicago Film Critics Association has released it's list of the 100 Scariest Movies of All Time. These aren't necessarily the best horror movies of all time-- but the films that have scared us the most. I got to vote for the list. So, I thought I'd share what I voted for and why:
1. The Shining - "I made the mistake of renting this for the first time while I was alone late at night on Halloween. With the lights off. I wigged myself out so much, I had to pause it and take a breather. When I restarted it, I was getting into it again when Gene and Jeff came home and scared the crap out of me. This movie didn't need special effects or neat camera tricks to scare you. Jack is scary enough."
2. The Blair Witch Project - "I saw it at Piper's Alley in Chicago. If you've never been there, one wall of the entrance hallway is covered in plastered handprints. As I was leaving, I saw the handprints and was freaked out. Blair Witch ends with the luckless college students trapped in a house covered with kids' handprints all over the walls. Eerie stuff. That final scene of the three characters in the basement has stayed with me ever since I first saw it. The subtle-touch and realistic terror stuck with me."
3. Session 9 - "I make groups of friends watch this one with me because it's just so eerie and haunting. What I love the most about it is that you don't even realize it is a scary movie until you are deep within the frightening story. It doesn't even hint at being scary for like 40 minutes. And then when it gets eerie, it goes all the way until you feel almost claustrophobic. Atmoshphere in a film is what creeps me out the most in movies--and accounts for why Blair Witch, Session 9, The Others, Fraility and many of the other movies that made my Top 25."
4. 28 Days Later - "Unlike many slick new horror films, the shooting style and modern effects are used effectively to make this gritty and raw film feel more ferocious. The movie drops you into a meat grinder in the first few minutes--and then things get worse. You can't help but feel the terror the characters feel."
5. Scream -"The scariest theater experience I've had. I was so tense, my stomach hurt. I kept looking behind me to make sure I wasn't going to get stabbed through the chair."
6. The Exorcism of Emily Rose - "The second scariest theater experience I've had. I was the only one in the theater and I literally got up at one point to walk around because I was so freaked out thinking about demons in the theatre. The reality of supernatural evil is what really got me while watching this one. This is a great but underappreciated film."
7. The Sixth Sense - "The red tent scene still gets me. And whenever I am in my condo brushing my teeth, I worry about someone passing behind me. So I keep the bathroom door closed."
8. Night of the Living Dead - "I have a thing with zombies. And I think the black-and-white rawness of this film makes it that much scarier. I think the slow-lurking of zombies (like Michael Myers and robots--see #10 and #21) is very scary."
9. The Silence of the Lambs - "That serial killer was one of the scariest dudes ever: 'Put the lotion in the basket!' And then, there's that infamous infared scene. Yowzers."
10. Halloween - "There's not much scarier in film than Michael Myers. Slowly. But. Constantly. Pursuing. You. In. The. Dark."
11. The Others
12. Fraility
13. Alien
14. The Evil Dead
15. Stir of Echoes
16. Duel
17. Child's Play
18. Psycho (the original)
19. The Omen (the original)
20. The Exorcist
21. The Terminator
22. Flatliners
23. Jacob's Ladder
24. Stephen King's It
25. The Stepford Wives (the original)
1. The Shining - "I made the mistake of renting this for the first time while I was alone late at night on Halloween. With the lights off. I wigged myself out so much, I had to pause it and take a breather. When I restarted it, I was getting into it again when Gene and Jeff came home and scared the crap out of me. This movie didn't need special effects or neat camera tricks to scare you. Jack is scary enough."
2. The Blair Witch Project - "I saw it at Piper's Alley in Chicago. If you've never been there, one wall of the entrance hallway is covered in plastered handprints. As I was leaving, I saw the handprints and was freaked out. Blair Witch ends with the luckless college students trapped in a house covered with kids' handprints all over the walls. Eerie stuff. That final scene of the three characters in the basement has stayed with me ever since I first saw it. The subtle-touch and realistic terror stuck with me."
3. Session 9 - "I make groups of friends watch this one with me because it's just so eerie and haunting. What I love the most about it is that you don't even realize it is a scary movie until you are deep within the frightening story. It doesn't even hint at being scary for like 40 minutes. And then when it gets eerie, it goes all the way until you feel almost claustrophobic. Atmoshphere in a film is what creeps me out the most in movies--and accounts for why Blair Witch, Session 9, The Others, Fraility and many of the other movies that made my Top 25."
4. 28 Days Later - "Unlike many slick new horror films, the shooting style and modern effects are used effectively to make this gritty and raw film feel more ferocious. The movie drops you into a meat grinder in the first few minutes--and then things get worse. You can't help but feel the terror the characters feel."
5. Scream -"The scariest theater experience I've had. I was so tense, my stomach hurt. I kept looking behind me to make sure I wasn't going to get stabbed through the chair."
6. The Exorcism of Emily Rose - "The second scariest theater experience I've had. I was the only one in the theater and I literally got up at one point to walk around because I was so freaked out thinking about demons in the theatre. The reality of supernatural evil is what really got me while watching this one. This is a great but underappreciated film."
7. The Sixth Sense - "The red tent scene still gets me. And whenever I am in my condo brushing my teeth, I worry about someone passing behind me. So I keep the bathroom door closed."
8. Night of the Living Dead - "I have a thing with zombies. And I think the black-and-white rawness of this film makes it that much scarier. I think the slow-lurking of zombies (like Michael Myers and robots--see #10 and #21) is very scary."
9. The Silence of the Lambs - "That serial killer was one of the scariest dudes ever: 'Put the lotion in the basket!' And then, there's that infamous infared scene. Yowzers."
10. Halloween - "There's not much scarier in film than Michael Myers. Slowly. But. Constantly. Pursuing. You. In. The. Dark."
11. The Others
12. Fraility
13. Alien
14. The Evil Dead
15. Stir of Echoes
16. Duel
17. Child's Play
18. Psycho (the original)
19. The Omen (the original)
20. The Exorcist
21. The Terminator
22. Flatliners
23. Jacob's Ladder
24. Stephen King's It
25. The Stepford Wives (the original)
10.31.2006
My Blue Light Special
LaTonya wanted to give me a stack of pennies yesterday. She needed two quarters for the vending machine and thought I'd do an exchange. But I wasn't interested. (In retrospect, maybe I should have because I could have given the pennies away for Halloween. )
Anyway, I didn't want 50 pennies. And LaTonya didn't want to be a quarter charity case, so I told her that maybe there was something I could buy from her office for 50 cents. I ended up getting a blue-colored light bulb. I've put it in my lamp this morning because I thought it would be festive for halloween. It's just kinda dim in here. Which I guess is scary. And kinda giving me a headache.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today is a very special FUN WITH GOOGLE! To celebrate Halloween, I just typed in one search term into Google images to see what I would get. The word: "Costumes." I wasn't disappointed.
Anyway, I didn't want 50 pennies. And LaTonya didn't want to be a quarter charity case, so I told her that maybe there was something I could buy from her office for 50 cents. I ended up getting a blue-colored light bulb. I've put it in my lamp this morning because I thought it would be festive for halloween. It's just kinda dim in here. Which I guess is scary. And kinda giving me a headache.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today is a very special FUN WITH GOOGLE! To celebrate Halloween, I just typed in one search term into Google images to see what I would get. The word: "Costumes." I wasn't disappointed.
Photo #1: I've actually seen this guy online before. There's a whole site out there about the creation of this suit. I admire this kind of work for a Halloween costume. I'd build myself a robot suit too...but I'm too lazy.
Photo #2: So. Many. Jokes. This kid looks flush. haha. This costume is crappy. haha. Just down the drain.
Phot0 #3: This one is for a special segment of the PTOIT readership. You know who you are. But again, is it any wonder that robot costumes are so popular? We all love robots. And you know, I would build my own if I weren't so lazy. And were more lonely.
10.30.2006
The Diet Geyser
I feel like I just had a 9-day weekend and I have that much time's worth of stories. Good times. My Intended and I got our engagement pictures taken. My family visited for the weekend. And the town of Sycamore celebrated Pumpkin Fest. There was much rejoicing.
Today, we only have time for one story from all that fun: My Intended and I were chasing around a friend's little boy (for fun--not to kidnap him or anything). We were frolicking in the leaves. He'd throw leaves on us and then run off. We'd do the same to him. To become more effective in the throwing of leaves, I set my open pop can in the grass. I went back to the leaf throwing. The boy took off running. My Intended gave chase. Being crafty, I went around the other way to cut him off. I was about 2 feet away from grabbing him when--KABOOSH--I stepped on the pop can just right so that it EXPLODED and shot like a Diet Geyser all over me. If I tried to step on a can just right to produce this effect, it would never happen. But somehow, the star aligned to form the perfect pressure to send the entire can of soda all over my legs, sweater and face.
The boy was stunned. And The Intended laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(Dated 10/11/2006)
My friend Jeff and I are watching LOST. Jeff tells me it's an action-packed episode but that we don't learn much about the island in it. He says that next week we'll learn who Henry Gale is. In the episode we're watching, Claire is in danger. Charlie swims to her rescue. Meanwhile, Henry Gale is taunting Jack and telling him that he's creating a new Sim City computer game. Keeping Jack hostage is helping him design the game.
Then, Jeff and I are walking on a deserted dirt road. We are sneaking up on The Other's camp. We also have R2-D2 with us. R2 helps us find a hidden motorcycle under some bushes. We think about riding the cycle into the camp to surprise the Others. But we decide to sneak in instead. We go into a house and snoop around. Jeff is in a back room when I see a group of Other women approaching. I shout to Jeff. He doesn't come so I sneak out the back door and run for my life. The back yard is huge and backs up onto a park. As I run, an Other woman stands on her back porch and ridicules me. She knows my name and threatens me. I get far from the house -- and am near some trees and a river. I hide and then carefully work my way along the edge of the river. I finally climb out from the trees to find myself inside a K-mart.
Today, we only have time for one story from all that fun: My Intended and I were chasing around a friend's little boy (for fun--not to kidnap him or anything). We were frolicking in the leaves. He'd throw leaves on us and then run off. We'd do the same to him. To become more effective in the throwing of leaves, I set my open pop can in the grass. I went back to the leaf throwing. The boy took off running. My Intended gave chase. Being crafty, I went around the other way to cut him off. I was about 2 feet away from grabbing him when--KABOOSH--I stepped on the pop can just right so that it EXPLODED and shot like a Diet Geyser all over me. If I tried to step on a can just right to produce this effect, it would never happen. But somehow, the star aligned to form the perfect pressure to send the entire can of soda all over my legs, sweater and face.
The boy was stunned. And The Intended laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(Dated 10/11/2006)
My friend Jeff and I are watching LOST. Jeff tells me it's an action-packed episode but that we don't learn much about the island in it. He says that next week we'll learn who Henry Gale is. In the episode we're watching, Claire is in danger. Charlie swims to her rescue. Meanwhile, Henry Gale is taunting Jack and telling him that he's creating a new Sim City computer game. Keeping Jack hostage is helping him design the game.
Then, Jeff and I are walking on a deserted dirt road. We are sneaking up on The Other's camp. We also have R2-D2 with us. R2 helps us find a hidden motorcycle under some bushes. We think about riding the cycle into the camp to surprise the Others. But we decide to sneak in instead. We go into a house and snoop around. Jeff is in a back room when I see a group of Other women approaching. I shout to Jeff. He doesn't come so I sneak out the back door and run for my life. The back yard is huge and backs up onto a park. As I run, an Other woman stands on her back porch and ridicules me. She knows my name and threatens me. I get far from the house -- and am near some trees and a river. I hide and then carefully work my way along the edge of the river. I finally climb out from the trees to find myself inside a K-mart.
10.27.2006
The Partaking
Something has really been missing around the office lately. And it is called, "Partaking."
A couple of years ago I began to buy the Aldi brand of Diet Cola and bring the cartons straight into w
ork. When I took a can from the fridge in the IYF designers' fridge, I'd pop another in. Not long after, I offered our designer Fleener to partake in the Diet Colas as much as he wanted as well. And he did.
And so for a long time, Doug and I would partake in the Diet Cola. If he heard the fridge door opening he'd say, "Are you partaking?" Sometimes, I would only bring in one can from home. He'd catch me drinking it and ask as if I was cheating on him. "I cannot belive you are partaking without me," he'd say. "I thought it meant something."
You'll see on the right that the Diet Cola box says, "Great Tasting!" Doug and I decided that the slogan was a tad misrepresentative. We thought maybe it should be, "Not So Bad!" or "Good for What you Pay!" or "Eh."
But yet, this stuff is addicting. The Sweet Valley Diet Cola was our drug of choice. I'd say, "I can quit anytime." And finally, I've pretty much weened off it. It's not that I don't like it. I'm just out and too lazy to go to the store.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Did you just kill a bunny?" -Sawyer, on LOST.
"I still dance in the aisles, Todd... you never stopped me." -My sister in an IM conversation about the cruel things that older brothers do to their sisters. And how the sisters are too storng to let it get to them. It was so sweet I cried.
"It's Of Mice and Men. You'd like it. Puppies get killed." -Sawyer, on LOST.
"What is this 'crown molding' Todd speaks of?" -Charissa, while we were painting Marc's house. I kept saying that we didn't have to worry about cutting around the ceiling because the crown molding would go there and somehow Charissa decided that menat that Crown Molding is like white-out for any place you mess up or don't want to paint.
"Oops. Get the crown molding." -Charissa
A couple of years ago I began to buy the Aldi brand of Diet Cola and bring the cartons straight into w
ork. When I took a can from the fridge in the IYF designers' fridge, I'd pop another in. Not long after, I offered our designer Fleener to partake in the Diet Colas as much as he wanted as well. And he did.And so for a long time, Doug and I would partake in the Diet Cola. If he heard the fridge door opening he'd say, "Are you partaking?" Sometimes, I would only bring in one can from home. He'd catch me drinking it and ask as if I was cheating on him. "I cannot belive you are partaking without me," he'd say. "I thought it meant something."
You'll see on the right that the Diet Cola box says, "Great Tasting!" Doug and I decided that the slogan was a tad misrepresentative. We thought maybe it should be, "Not So Bad!" or "Good for What you Pay!" or "Eh."
But yet, this stuff is addicting. The Sweet Valley Diet Cola was our drug of choice. I'd say, "I can quit anytime." And finally, I've pretty much weened off it. It's not that I don't like it. I'm just out and too lazy to go to the store.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Did you just kill a bunny?" -Sawyer, on LOST.
"I still dance in the aisles, Todd... you never stopped me." -My sister in an IM conversation about the cruel things that older brothers do to their sisters. And how the sisters are too storng to let it get to them. It was so sweet I cried.
"It's Of Mice and Men. You'd like it. Puppies get killed." -Sawyer, on LOST.
"What is this 'crown molding' Todd speaks of?" -Charissa, while we were painting Marc's house. I kept saying that we didn't have to worry about cutting around the ceiling because the crown molding would go there and somehow Charissa decided that menat that Crown Molding is like white-out for any place you mess up or don't want to paint.
"Oops. Get the crown molding." -Charissa
10.26.2006
Sauerkraut: The Thing That Divides Us All
I don't often get my life threatened. Especially by mass groups of people. But yesterday was a special occasion.
It started off simply enough. I went downstairs to the lunchroom to heat up my lunch--leftover sausage and sauerkraut from the night before. I grew up having suppers of sausage and sauerkraut. It is yummy. I am German and we like such things.
Well, not everyone likes sauerkraut. As I was heating it up in the microwave, the comments started. People complained about the smell. But it was all in good fun so I finished and went back to my office two stories above the lunchroom.
About 25 minutes later, the phone rings. The head of the department that sits next to the lunchroom is on the other end. She is very upset. And she quite often scares me. So I am concerned as she begins in a very serious and mean tone, "On behalf of this entire department, I want you to know that if you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER heat up Sauerkraut again, we will come for you. And we have torches and pitchforks."
Apparently not everyone likes sauerkraut.
PURPLE FEZ MONKEY AND THE LAST CRUSADE: WEEK 2
Last week, Purple Fez Monkey set sail on the Santa Maria to find his lost brother Red Fez Monkey. Today, I got my first letter back from Purple Fez. It reads:
"Dearest Todd, I am sad to report that so far I have not learned anything of Red Fez's whereabouts. It's been a grueling first week and I find myself in a world I know not.
I chose to sail down the mighty Mississippi River. My adventure took a bad turn when I stopped for supplies. I met a man whom I asked, "Have you seen my brother, Red Fez Monkey?" He said, yes. In fact, he said he knew where he was. Very excited, I followed him. He said that in order to pull Red Fez from hiding, I had to go undercover. Before I knew it, I was dressed in a silly vest and dancing on the street as this man played what appeared to be an accordian. After about 7 hours, I realized that this man didn't know where Red Fez was but was merely a street performer trying to make change. I was too gullible.
However, there was a bright spot. A man watching me perform on the street took pity on me and said, "Your embarrassment touches my heart. I shall treat you to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He t
old me he'd take me to a great sporting event where cardinals fought tigers. I enjoy seeing competitions between animals (the great Phase 10 contests we fez monkeys used to have still warms my heart) so I agreed. I decided that I'd root for the cardinals because cardinals have never tried to eat monkeys. The same cannot be said for tigers.
When we arrived at the sporting arena, I did not see one cardinal or tiger. Instead, only humans. No offense to you, but humans are not as fun to watch as animals. Unless they are Gallagher. He is funny. Although it was no contest of beasts, I still enjoyed myself. I have included a photo of me at the series of the world. I hope you enjoy it.
I am back on the Santa Maria now. I feel tremendous guilt for both being misled by those who would keep me from my quest and for being distracted by my own selfish entertainment. No more. I now sail for the oceans. I will find Red Fez Monkey. I will.
Your Friend and Mine,
Purple Fez "
It started off simply enough. I went downstairs to the lunchroom to heat up my lunch--leftover sausage and sauerkraut from the night before. I grew up having suppers of sausage and sauerkraut. It is yummy. I am German and we like such things.
Well, not everyone likes sauerkraut. As I was heating it up in the microwave, the comments started. People complained about the smell. But it was all in good fun so I finished and went back to my office two stories above the lunchroom.
About 25 minutes later, the phone rings. The head of the department that sits next to the lunchroom is on the other end. She is very upset. And she quite often scares me. So I am concerned as she begins in a very serious and mean tone, "On behalf of this entire department, I want you to know that if you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER heat up Sauerkraut again, we will come for you. And we have torches and pitchforks."
Apparently not everyone likes sauerkraut.
PURPLE FEZ MONKEY AND THE LAST CRUSADE: WEEK 2
Last week, Purple Fez Monkey set sail on the Santa Maria to find his lost brother Red Fez Monkey. Today, I got my first letter back from Purple Fez. It reads:
"Dearest Todd, I am sad to report that so far I have not learned anything of Red Fez's whereabouts. It's been a grueling first week and I find myself in a world I know not.
I chose to sail down the mighty Mississippi River. My adventure took a bad turn when I stopped for supplies. I met a man whom I asked, "Have you seen my brother, Red Fez Monkey?" He said, yes. In fact, he said he knew where he was. Very excited, I followed him. He said that in order to pull Red Fez from hiding, I had to go undercover. Before I knew it, I was dressed in a silly vest and dancing on the street as this man played what appeared to be an accordian. After about 7 hours, I realized that this man didn't know where Red Fez was but was merely a street performer trying to make change. I was too gullible.
However, there was a bright spot. A man watching me perform on the street took pity on me and said, "Your embarrassment touches my heart. I shall treat you to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He t
old me he'd take me to a great sporting event where cardinals fought tigers. I enjoy seeing competitions between animals (the great Phase 10 contests we fez monkeys used to have still warms my heart) so I agreed. I decided that I'd root for the cardinals because cardinals have never tried to eat monkeys. The same cannot be said for tigers.When we arrived at the sporting arena, I did not see one cardinal or tiger. Instead, only humans. No offense to you, but humans are not as fun to watch as animals. Unless they are Gallagher. He is funny. Although it was no contest of beasts, I still enjoyed myself. I have included a photo of me at the series of the world. I hope you enjoy it.
I am back on the Santa Maria now. I feel tremendous guilt for both being misled by those who would keep me from my quest and for being distracted by my own selfish entertainment. No more. I now sail for the oceans. I will find Red Fez Monkey. I will.
Your Friend and Mine,
Purple Fez "
10.25.2006
Onward and Upward!
The ante has been risen for reader-generated "Todd Riding Stuff" photos. Holy cow. This amazing image from Charissa casts me as a brave (but happy) knight leading a battle charge on my very angry dragon. I like thinking of this picture as a snapshot of the last moment before I soar off to war. I'm saying both goodbye and "Look! I'm riding a freakin' DRAGON! Isn't that cooool?"So, last night I went to Dominick's. They just re-did the store so everything looks different. Well, in the produce section they now have an entire kiosk of olives. Seriously. It's this big, round salad-bar like station of nothing but olives. Green ones, black ones, spiced ones, stuffed ones, etc. My first reaction was to think this is uber-random. I mean, what's next? A whole bar of cucumbers? Or asparagus? But then, I saw that one of the trays of olives was full of Blue-Cheese Stuffed Olives. At that point, I decided this Olive Bar was wonderful and I bought a 1/4 pound. I fell right into the Dominicks' trap!
WEDDING WEDNESDAY
At right you will see R2-D2. This is one of my most prized possessions. He's a cooler they use in gas stations to sell individual pop bottles. He was used when the original triology was re-released into theaters.
R2 was given to me for my high school graduation by my aunt and uncle. They got him because Aunt Kathy worked as a gas station manager. Sometimes I use R2 to hold ice and drinks at parties. But usually he holds my blankets and spare pillows.
So why is R2 featured here under Wedding Wednesday? Well, when I marry My Intended and we move in together, we will have limited space. And some things that are a tad "nerdy" may not quite fit into the decor of a married couple. Camerin brought up to me one day that I should open up discussion among my friends what R2 could now be used for. Camerin suggested a birdbath in the back yard.
Truthfully I already have a place of honor in my office earmarked for R2. Nothing says "professionalism" like a 4-foot droid! But for fun's sake, what are some creative ways R2 could be used post-wedding? Ideas?
10.24.2006
Meat and Potatoes
Yesterday a friend of mine said, "Have I told you my joke about Colonoscopies?" You know, it doesn't matter what the joke was because I was already laughing. That line on it's own is funny stuff. It just is.
So, Halloween is coming. I bought a big economy bag of Nerds in the event that someone may come trick-or-treating at my house for the first time since living there. Of course, the bag of Nerds is almost gone. So I may have to buy more. Or I could just give out nickels. Or maybe pictures of me. That's a good Trick-or-Treat haul right there.
My Halloween costume deliberations have gone through several cycles. I was going to attach one of those styrofoam planes to my torso and staple rubber snakes all over it to be Snakes on a Plane. Then I giggled about the absurdity of just going as a "potato," but I wasn't sure what that would look like. Then My Intended was going to be Cinderella. To go along with it, I thought about going as Gus Gus. Or her fairy godmother. Or the Fairy Godfather.
Now, she's not going as Cinderella. So we have a new idea for a couple costume. It's very simple. I'm all about the simple homemade costumes. As a kid I was a Ghostbuster, Benjamin Franklin and Ed Grimley. All homemade costumes. And you know you are one of the cool kids if you are dressing like Ben Franklin for Halloween.
PTOIT Special Feature: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today, I searched Google Images with the random search terms "meat" and "suit." Here's what I found:
Photo 1: At first, I thought maybe George Foreman was wearing boxing gloves made of meat. But that is not regulation in boxing. So I think this picture came up because George Foreman is a Meat Suit.
Photo 2: That's a lotta meat.
Phot0 #3: Sometimes I wonder why stuff gets put on the Internet. Someone went to a lot of effort to Photoshop this man into wearing a suit of meat. Why? Who knows. I just hope that someday, some other blog is doing a "Fun with Google" segment and uses the search terms "monkey" and "Santa Maria" and finds this. Good luck figuring out why that'd be on the Internet.
Photo #4: It's hard to tell, but this may be a real suit of meat. I found this on the site of some art exposition. This is art, people. Art. This would be a good Halloween costume. Hmmmm.
So, Halloween is coming. I bought a big economy bag of Nerds in the event that someone may come trick-or-treating at my house for the first time since living there. Of course, the bag of Nerds is almost gone. So I may have to buy more. Or I could just give out nickels. Or maybe pictures of me. That's a good Trick-or-Treat haul right there.
My Halloween costume deliberations have gone through several cycles. I was going to attach one of those styrofoam planes to my torso and staple rubber snakes all over it to be Snakes on a Plane. Then I giggled about the absurdity of just going as a "potato," but I wasn't sure what that would look like. Then My Intended was going to be Cinderella. To go along with it, I thought about going as Gus Gus. Or her fairy godmother. Or the Fairy Godfather.
Now, she's not going as Cinderella. So we have a new idea for a couple costume. It's very simple. I'm all about the simple homemade costumes. As a kid I was a Ghostbuster, Benjamin Franklin and Ed Grimley. All homemade costumes. And you know you are one of the cool kids if you are dressing like Ben Franklin for Halloween.
PTOIT Special Feature: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today, I searched Google Images with the random search terms "meat" and "suit." Here's what I found:
Photo 1: At first, I thought maybe George Foreman was wearing boxing gloves made of meat. But that is not regulation in boxing. So I think this picture came up because George Foreman is a Meat Suit.Photo 2: That's a lotta meat.
Phot0 #3: Sometimes I wonder why stuff gets put on the Internet. Someone went to a lot of effort to Photoshop this man into wearing a suit of meat. Why? Who knows. I just hope that someday, some other blog is doing a "Fun with Google" segment and uses the search terms "monkey" and "Santa Maria" and finds this. Good luck figuring out why that'd be on the Internet.Photo #4: It's hard to tell, but this may be a real suit of meat. I found this on the site of some art exposition. This is art, people. Art. This would be a good Halloween costume. Hmmmm.
10.20.2006
8 Seconds, Baby.
And so it continues. My brother Chad has now created his own "Todd Riding Something" photo. In this one, as Chad says, I am proving that I am indeed a little bit country. In fact, I seem very, very at home on top of this rampaging bull. Thanks to Chad for this great image. I think we may soon have a whole gallery of pics of me riding stuff based on that recently-posted lawnmower image of me.I got looking at this photo and I really like the guy in the back with the big white hat. Here's what I think is happening: That man is a wealthy rancher who used to sponsor me, but was using his influence and moeny to hold my rodeo career down. He didn't like that I didn't wear the proper rodeo attire or hat. I was the rebel who dared to shake up the rodeo community and stand up to the dirty practices of The Rancher. When I went against The Rancher, he bet against me in the big rodeo. Now, he's not a bit pleased that I am doing well. The boys on this left are his hired thugs. You can tell by their scowls. And mustaches.
Other than all this good old rodeo fun, not much is happening with me today. LaTonya brought in cupcakes for everyone. The frosting is about 4 inches high off the cupcake. That is a bit too much sugar for me this early in the morning. When I told LaTonya that I'd save it for after-lunch, she replied: "But don't stick it in your Cookie Drawer."
Now that is just silly. It's not a cookie. It doesn't belong in the Cookie Drawer. So I put it up on the Cupcake Shelf.
PTOIT QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
"So, the hatch blew off your underwear?" -Hurley on LOST.
"A special message from Pat Boone." -an actual subject line to an e-mail I got this week.
"It's more like Connecticut and less like Texas." -Doug V., in a conversation that is impossible to explain but was very funny.
"Bear? Is that you?" -Hurley on LOST.
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