I saw this news story today. One show of the new TobyMac tour had to be cancelled. One friend asked me if it means declining popularity for Toby. I say no. I saw this show and it was packed. So I think it was the time of year and that area's weather. But also, ummm, maybe the problem was that they booked a Christian concert at a MOSQUE?
Anyway, that leads well into my latest Top 30 list to commemorate my 30th birthday in a few months. After seeing the TobyMac/Family Force 5/Hawk Nelson show last week, I thought I'd come up with my Top 30 Concert Moments. Here they are:
30. The Brick Suit. I will admit it: I went to a Chumbawamba concert. Yes, I did. And before you judge: They know how to entertain. They put on a great concert. They used a lot of costume changes and props--which is always a plus in my book. The best part was this one guy who came out in a suit that was printed like a brick wall. It was neato.
29. Sandman Drum Solo. When I was in high school I saw classic rock group America at the State Fair. I loved their set. On the song Sandman, they broke down to a really awesome drum solo that made me want to play the drums. Sure, I played them badly. But I played them.
28. Is that him? I've been to 3 or 4 Weird Al Yankovich concerts. And I am mucho proud of that fact. At one, my friend Eric and I were in the stands about an hour or more early. (We were THAT excited.) In one section of the stands there was this guy in a ballcap just sitting there alone. No one was around him AT ALL. Well, Eric and I kept commenting about how much the guy looked like Al. And then, a crowd all of a sudden started forming around him--and that's when we realized that Al goes into the seats before his shows and waits for people to notice him and signs autographs. It was a neat thing for a legend* like him to do.
*Really. Legend. Who else sings about the Amish?
27. Kevin Max's Arrogance. At one Cornerstone, former DC Talk member Kevin Max came out on stage in a purple robe, struted to the end of the long catwalk into the crowd and arrogantly handed the robe to a beautiful assistant. What made this a memorable moment was the instant exodus of people streaming from the concert. Hilarious.
26. Weird Al's costumes. In concert, the guy changes clothes about a gazillion times. He wears the pointy Madonna bra. He wears the fat suit. It's amazing and very entertaining. What adds to it is... Weird Al's incredible energy. It is shocking how crazy this man is. He puts one leg behind his head--and bounces around on the other leg. Let's see Elton John do that.
25. Hawk's Vests. At a Hawk Nelson show a couple years ago, the guys came out in pink sweater vests--and it's become a legend of fashion among my friends.
24. A Classic Backflip. Classic Crime seered itself into my mind because of a lead singer who does backflips. That is rock, man. That is rock.
23. A Chick Who Rocks. I remember first getting the CD of Benjamin Gate and being blwn away by their sound. When I saw them live, the very first song blew my mind because lead Singer Adrienne just went berserko. This little lady jumped and headbanged and threw everything she had into it. It was love at first sight...but then Jeremy Camp stole her from Benjamin Gate and me.
22. Emo Moment. I'd never really known what emo punk was before I discovered Further Seems Forever. I discovered them at about 2 a.m. at one year of Cornerstone. Jason was the lead singer then. And I walked up as he was hanging from a tent pole into the audience. The best way to describe it is to say he was emoting. Just completely and passionately leaning into his fans, belting his heart out, and singing--not to them, but with them. I saw the punk part the next day when Jason was late for a press conference because a 6-inch gash in his leg from a concert weeks before that he never had looked at was acting up.
21. Stryper. Really, that should be enough of a grand concert moment. I saw Stryper. But during the show, the guys passed out tiny Bibles to the crowd. They used to throw Bibles into the crowd at shows but now they just hand them to the first few rows to avoid injury and lawsuits no doubt. A slightly less-fortunate moment at that show was when the drummer, Robert Sweet, came onstage in the old yellow and black spandex just like they used to wear in the 80s. The only difference is that Robert is 20 years older.
20. Mosh With Love. At a punk concert a long time ago I saw my first Christian mosh pit. I loved that these guys would beat the heck out of each other...and then congratulate each other and hug. Beautiful.
19. Flags. Upon seeing all the different flags being held by their audience, Flatfoot 56 welcomed all the "Americans, Canadians, Chicagoans...and Pirates."
18. Toby Mac's Choreography. The best moment of any TobyMac show is when he and his two dancers/backup singers/acrobats join him to do some sweet dance moves. My favorite part is when they do a slow step walk toward the audience as they sing, "I'm a dead man walking..."
17. The Hill of Hands. The main stage at Cornerstone is set in a big natural bowl of a hill. At my first fest, Third Day led everyone in worship and everyone held hands and raised them high into the night. From down near the stage, I looked up to see just a massive sea of raised hands--and a ring of held hands around the hill's upper rim. This single show sold my on Christian music.
16. The Baby Powder. There was a hazy fog at my first Flatfoot 56 concert. Why? The band began a new "campaign on chaffing" by being well-supplied with baby powder.
15. The Solo Concert. One year, Third Day came to the area and no one else could go to the show. So I went by myself. I got a seat up in the rafters and just sat back and enjoyed. At the end of the set, they went into a worship set and I was so taken away in worship. It was a memorable experience as God met me there.
14. Buffalo Matt Theissen. At the first Relient K concert I went to, the band put a big plastic buffalo out on the catwalk in front of the stage. During the show, singer Matt Theissen rode it. And then surfed it through the crowd.
13. My First Vision of Family Force 5. Two years ago at the Gospel Music Week in Nashville, I went to the Gotee Records New Artist night. And my life would never be the same. All week, there'd been a buzz about Family Force 5--but I had no idea what to expect. Then, the band came out and completely tore the roof off the small club. I remember that I was most taken by Xanadu, the guy who is not in the band but just dances and hands instruments to the FF5 guys. Shake your tailfeather.
12. The End of Staple. This Summer I saw my final Staple concert at Cornerstone. They were amazing. I was close to the stage as they passionately played they set and said goodbye. The ultimate moment was when a guy from Cornerstone came up and said a prayer for the band as they now go on to new things. It was moving and powerful.
11. Jukebox of the Dead. My high school friend John had been trying for years to get me into this band of Wheaton College alums called the Deatholz. One Halloween, I finally listened and went to their Halloween show where they announced they appeared in zombie costumes and announced that "The Deathholz could not make it but we are The Jukebox of the Dead!" They played crazy versions of well know songs like Ring of Fire and Thriller. It was great.
10. Ouch. During a Cornerstone MxPx concert, Tom and Mike stood at opposite sides of the stage and threw their guitars high into the air to each other. They do it at every concert. But at this one, Tom's guitar smacked Mike in the head. Yowsers.
9. Puppet Show. On the Thrive Tour, The Newsboys had a projected video of a puppet show they'd play during the song John Woo. It featured a puppet of a dog and a puppet of a cat rocking out to the song. It could be the single funniest video I've ever seen.
8. "I'm Not Washing These Pants." At the MuteMath show, the lead singer left the stage to walk through the crowd. As he did, I looked back to see that he was standing right next to my friends Marc, Emily and Charissa. He even touched Charissa's leg as he leapt a wall and worked his way through the audience. Charissa hasn't washed those pants since. Ewww.
7. MC Hammer's Sound Check. In 1998, I went to my first Cornerstone and MC Hammer was playing the main stage one night. He only played his gospel stuff and not his "Hammer Don't Hurt Them" stuff. But I happened to be down by the main stage playing frisbee that afternoon while Hammer was doing his sound check. And he did "Too Legit." Oh yah.
6. Ouch II. At one concert, this young girl in front of me stood up on her boyfriend's shoulders to stage dive. The problem was that she dove forward instead of backward. Why's this a problem? Because she dove toward the backs of people's heads. They had no idea she was coming...and she fell flat to the floor. Surprisingly, she was fine. Perhaps not mentally.
5. Mosh Policing with Kutless. Every April, I go to Nashville's Gospel Music Week. One year, I went to this little basement club to see my favorite band at the time, Staple, play a show. I was toward the front of the crowd and a mosh pit started. I'm not into that so I stood on the outside edge of the craziness. I noticed behind me a scared mother and two little girls. And yet the craziness continued and the guys kept pushing into the crowd. To keep the moshing contained to a small area, I stood my ground and with two guys next to me maintained the border so that the people behind us wouldn't get trampled. After a minute or tow, I looked up to realize that the other tow guys standing on the edge pushing back the moshers were the guitarist and bassist for Kutless.
4. The unKeyboardist. The greatest moment of seeing Emery was to watch their keyboardist who does not play the keyboard. He just rocks against it repeatedly. And beats it. And yells. It takes something special to play the keyboard. It takes something more NOT to. Here's to you!
3. The Braveheart. At the very first Flatfoot 56 concert I saw, the crowd was rowdy. And the band got them rowdier. At one point, Flatfoot asked the crowd to split down the middle. The lead singer then instructed the fans to "face the crowd on the other side and pick one person out to run at. When I say, run at them and slam into them...with Christian love."
2. Mute Math's Destruction. Just recently I saw Mute Math at the Park West. They ended the show by breaking into a percussion frenzy of playing everything. Including stools. As they finished, they tore everything up--breaking lights and, for one guy, even producing blood. It was rad.
1. Pinata Surprise. At Cornerstone many years ago, Five Iron Frenzy sent 7 pinatas into the crowd. As they were being surfed around, the lead singer informed the crowd that 4 will filled with candy. 3 with Pork & Beans. One by one, the pinatas were swallowed into the crowd and you'd hear fists whacking on them and then...either joyous yells or disgusted groans as baked beans flew everywhere.
12.06.2006
Back to Freezing. But I Have My Portable Blankey.
North Carolina is warmer than it is here. And there's no snow. Or booger-freezing air. I walked around without a coat. I didn't need gloves.
It was like heaven.
Chris, LaTonya and I left Thursday night from O'Hare to go to the Charlotte National Youth Workers' Convention. We left just hours before the blizzard began. We didn't see one flake of snow. And it was still warm enough to walk to the parking lot tram in only a hoodie.
But when we returned, I stood at the luggage pickup and put on almost every peice of clothing in my bag. My pajama pants became a scarf. My socks became my gloves. It's cold here.
We had some plane issues--but they weren't weather related. On Sunday night, we had a 7:50 EST flight out. It got bumped back to 8:15. And then 8:30. And then 9. I sat in a little airport bar and watched the Cowboys (and my fantasy runningback Marion Barber III) beat the Giants. When the game was over, I went to the screens to see what time we were now bumped back to. But our flight wasn't there. No sign of it at all. Strange.
I went to the gate. No airline rep was there. The gate was dark and shut down. A woman who looked like she'd been crying was slumped in a chair. I asked her if she was going to Chicago. "Was," she said. "They cancelled the flight." Ruh-Roh.
About 15 minutes later, a gate rep showed up and said that we'd all been transferred to a U.S. Airways flight at 10:45. Good times. Actually, it was a blessing. The little American Eagle flight we took into Charlotte was like a flying Greyhound--both in size and sturdiness of build. The wind beat that little tube around like it was nothing. So flying in a bigger U.S. Airways jet was well-appreciated. And we got sat in an exit row so we had all the leg room we wanted. Everything was coming up roses...until we landed and discovered we'd just gone from 55 degrees to 10. And so the PJ pants went around my face.
When I got home, there was a cardboard box at my door. From the return address, I saw that it was from Revell, the company that published my book. I wasn't sure what was in it. I thought it was maybe full of all the cash my book has made. Or, more likely, shredded up copies that didn't sell.
Inside, this box was one object. No card. No letter. No anything. Except for a blanket. The blanket is bright blue and rolls up and velcros together to make it a little bundle about one foot by 6 inches. When rolled up into the little bundle, one side of it has a handle to make it a handy traveling companion. Since there was no letter to explain it's arrival, I assumed that Revell just knew how cold I'd been for the last hour and thought I'd appreciate having a Portable Blanket I can carry with me. Or maybe they know that I am often in awkward situations where people say, "Hey, you aren't carrying a blanket with a handle do ya?"
I asked Camerin if she also got a Portable Blanket. She did, but hers had a Christmas card in the box with it so it wasn't quite as mysterious. With a Christmas card, it's a thought gift. Without, it's kinda creepy. I mean, who sends you random blankets. It's kinda like two weeks ago when I got an envelope at work. All that was in it: A turkey baster. True story.
Wedding Wednesday:
I had my first wedding dream last night.
I was at my wedding. It was being held outdoors. There were lots of people all lined up in white lawn chairs. There were lots of flowers and lattice-work. My Intended and I were not the only couple getting married. There were 5 couples all geting married in one ceremony--to save costs. I was at the back of the ceremony waiting my turn. My Intended was in a tent getting ready. I wouldn't see her until we approached the pastor in front of the sea of guests. Well, the first couple--some married friends of My Intended--got married. And then the second--some teacher friends of My Intended. The pastor was talking soooo much. It was taking forever. I even wandered off and played a video game. But then I came back and the third couple was still up there. After he finished with the third couple, the pastor announced that he was out of time and he'd finish next week.
My Intended came running up the aisle to me very sad. She was wearing a pink poofy dress. We were irrate and disbelieving that we weren't getting married. All of our friends and family were there. We'd paid for everything. The reception was ready to go.
And then I thought, "Well, since I'm not going on my honeymoon, I have a whole week free of plans!"
It was like heaven.
Chris, LaTonya and I left Thursday night from O'Hare to go to the Charlotte National Youth Workers' Convention. We left just hours before the blizzard began. We didn't see one flake of snow. And it was still warm enough to walk to the parking lot tram in only a hoodie.
But when we returned, I stood at the luggage pickup and put on almost every peice of clothing in my bag. My pajama pants became a scarf. My socks became my gloves. It's cold here.
We had some plane issues--but they weren't weather related. On Sunday night, we had a 7:50 EST flight out. It got bumped back to 8:15. And then 8:30. And then 9. I sat in a little airport bar and watched the Cowboys (and my fantasy runningback Marion Barber III) beat the Giants. When the game was over, I went to the screens to see what time we were now bumped back to. But our flight wasn't there. No sign of it at all. Strange.
I went to the gate. No airline rep was there. The gate was dark and shut down. A woman who looked like she'd been crying was slumped in a chair. I asked her if she was going to Chicago. "Was," she said. "They cancelled the flight." Ruh-Roh.
About 15 minutes later, a gate rep showed up and said that we'd all been transferred to a U.S. Airways flight at 10:45. Good times. Actually, it was a blessing. The little American Eagle flight we took into Charlotte was like a flying Greyhound--both in size and sturdiness of build. The wind beat that little tube around like it was nothing. So flying in a bigger U.S. Airways jet was well-appreciated. And we got sat in an exit row so we had all the leg room we wanted. Everything was coming up roses...until we landed and discovered we'd just gone from 55 degrees to 10. And so the PJ pants went around my face.
When I got home, there was a cardboard box at my door. From the return address, I saw that it was from Revell, the company that published my book. I wasn't sure what was in it. I thought it was maybe full of all the cash my book has made. Or, more likely, shredded up copies that didn't sell.
Inside, this box was one object. No card. No letter. No anything. Except for a blanket. The blanket is bright blue and rolls up and velcros together to make it a little bundle about one foot by 6 inches. When rolled up into the little bundle, one side of it has a handle to make it a handy traveling companion. Since there was no letter to explain it's arrival, I assumed that Revell just knew how cold I'd been for the last hour and thought I'd appreciate having a Portable Blanket I can carry with me. Or maybe they know that I am often in awkward situations where people say, "Hey, you aren't carrying a blanket with a handle do ya?"
I asked Camerin if she also got a Portable Blanket. She did, but hers had a Christmas card in the box with it so it wasn't quite as mysterious. With a Christmas card, it's a thought gift. Without, it's kinda creepy. I mean, who sends you random blankets. It's kinda like two weeks ago when I got an envelope at work. All that was in it: A turkey baster. True story.
Wedding Wednesday:
I had my first wedding dream last night.
I was at my wedding. It was being held outdoors. There were lots of people all lined up in white lawn chairs. There were lots of flowers and lattice-work. My Intended and I were not the only couple getting married. There were 5 couples all geting married in one ceremony--to save costs. I was at the back of the ceremony waiting my turn. My Intended was in a tent getting ready. I wouldn't see her until we approached the pastor in front of the sea of guests. Well, the first couple--some married friends of My Intended--got married. And then the second--some teacher friends of My Intended. The pastor was talking soooo much. It was taking forever. I even wandered off and played a video game. But then I came back and the third couple was still up there. After he finished with the third couple, the pastor announced that he was out of time and he'd finish next week.
My Intended came running up the aisle to me very sad. She was wearing a pink poofy dress. We were irrate and disbelieving that we weren't getting married. All of our friends and family were there. We'd paid for everything. The reception was ready to go.
And then I thought, "Well, since I'm not going on my honeymoon, I have a whole week free of plans!"
11.29.2006
Random Thoughts. Random Day.
This has been a busy few days. Last night I returned to Sweet Home K3 to attend a concert. I realize that family members will read that and say, "You were back here?" Well, I kinda forgot to mention it. In fact, I have this old friend named Dave. Well Dave went to Lowes to get some stuff last night and ran into my brother. He told Chad that he was in town for a concert of Christian musicians ... and Chad said, "Oh yah, Todd likes those kind of groups."
Turns out, Dave got to the concert and one of the first things he sees? Me.
I got home about 12:30 and couldn't sleep. I was all riled up. I finally got to sleep and woke up early to get some work done because I actually left the office early to come talk to a high school journalism class and warn them about being a journalist. I'm now in the teacher's offices waiting for school to get out and I'm gonna work with the speech team's orignal comedy competitors.
Tomorrow afternoon, I leave for a convention of youth workers. I love this conference. This will be my 4th or 5th one. It's gotten to the point that I am a little burnt out on the conference...but I think I really need the recharge of my batteries. I am looking forward to it. And I will be in North Carolina for the first time. So, that's cool.
Turns out, Dave got to the concert and one of the first things he sees? Me.
I got home about 12:30 and couldn't sleep. I was all riled up. I finally got to sleep and woke up early to get some work done because I actually left the office early to come talk to a high school journalism class and warn them about being a journalist. I'm now in the teacher's offices waiting for school to get out and I'm gonna work with the speech team's orignal comedy competitors.
Tomorrow afternoon, I leave for a convention of youth workers. I love this conference. This will be my 4th or 5th one. It's gotten to the point that I am a little burnt out on the conference...but I think I really need the recharge of my batteries. I am looking forward to it. And I will be in North Carolina for the first time. So, that's cool.
11.27.2006
Long Live the Platypus
Several weeks ago, I was in an office staff meeting and Designer Alecia brought up a story I wrote for our Christian College Guide. The article was a goofy humor piece comparing animal traits to prospe
ctive college students. We titled it "Don't be a Platypus." (My contention in the article is that the platypus seems confused and unorganized.)
The problem, Alecia told me, was that she could find no good photos for purchase of a platypus. She was even dealing directly with the New Zealand park service but still: no luck getting a good, printable platypus photo. Weird. So, being the problem solver I am, I told Alecia I would draw her a picture of a platypus instead. So, I got out my marker and drew this delightful Platypus sketch (at right). You can tell he is confused by the big question mark. He's in a barrel because I don't know what a platypus' body looks like. He is however ready for a formal event.
Alecia thought my drawing was funny and we all had a good laugh. We changed the article title to not be Platypus-specific. And we hung the platypus up on a cubicle wall in the main hallway of our workarea for everyone to see. But then things went bad. That's when Marilyn saw the platypus. Marilyn, our administrative assistant, has a burning hot hatred for the platypus. She insults it anytime she can. She doesn't understand why I drew it. She doesn't like the way it is drawn. She wants it taken down. She doesn't like his tail. She doesn't understand why he's in a barrel or wearing a keen bowtie. She doesn't think a platypus would wear shoes. Hardly a week goes by in which Marilyn does not hurl comments about how much the drawing bothers her or ask why it is still up.
Well, with my artist's pride tattered, I got sweet vindication a couple weeks ago. Former designer Esther came to the office with her 1-year-old Lydia. Lydia loved the platypus. She giggled and pointed at it. She couldn't take her eyes off it. I pointed out to Marilyn how much Lydia liked it.
I don't think the platypus' sudden popularity really impressed Marilyn. Oh well.
ctive college students. We titled it "Don't be a Platypus." (My contention in the article is that the platypus seems confused and unorganized.)The problem, Alecia told me, was that she could find no good photos for purchase of a platypus. She was even dealing directly with the New Zealand park service but still: no luck getting a good, printable platypus photo. Weird. So, being the problem solver I am, I told Alecia I would draw her a picture of a platypus instead. So, I got out my marker and drew this delightful Platypus sketch (at right). You can tell he is confused by the big question mark. He's in a barrel because I don't know what a platypus' body looks like. He is however ready for a formal event.
Alecia thought my drawing was funny and we all had a good laugh. We changed the article title to not be Platypus-specific. And we hung the platypus up on a cubicle wall in the main hallway of our workarea for everyone to see. But then things went bad. That's when Marilyn saw the platypus. Marilyn, our administrative assistant, has a burning hot hatred for the platypus. She insults it anytime she can. She doesn't understand why I drew it. She doesn't like the way it is drawn. She wants it taken down. She doesn't like his tail. She doesn't understand why he's in a barrel or wearing a keen bowtie. She doesn't think a platypus would wear shoes. Hardly a week goes by in which Marilyn does not hurl comments about how much the drawing bothers her or ask why it is still up.
Well, with my artist's pride tattered, I got sweet vindication a couple weeks ago. Former designer Esther came to the office with her 1-year-old Lydia. Lydia loved the platypus. She giggled and pointed at it. She couldn't take her eyes off it. I pointed out to Marilyn how much Lydia liked it.
I don't think the platypus' sudden popularity really impressed Marilyn. Oh well.
11.21.2006
Time to Give Thanks
Today, I am starting a new feature that is blatantly stolen from The Gat. As he was turning 30, he did a series of Top 30 lists. I plan to do one a week until The Blessed Occasion of My Birthday. Today's will be holiday-related and be the 30 Things I Am Thankful For Right Now. I decided to leave out the stuff that you expect. I am very thankful for my family, My Intended, My friends and Jesus. Those are givens. And then I just went from there.
30 Things I am Thankful For
30. Pants. Is there anything we take more for granted? Where would we be without pants? Half-naked that's what. I enjoy pants and I am not too proud to admit it. My favorite pants right now are my Hip Jeans. (Although a nice pair of pajama pants are never to be taken for granted.) But of all time, my faves would have to be a black pair of parachute pants that an older cousin passed down to me. I was so cool. About 10 years too late.
29. Drew Brees. Without him, my Fantasy Football season would be shot. His 4-week span of 300-plus yard games (and one topping 500) has carried my team into playoff contention despite losing both starting runningbacks to injury.
28. Rappers. Where else would we get phrases like "I'm like George Foreman, I'm selling so many grills," "I'm not a businessman, I am a business, man," "I am the king of Boogle. There is none higher. I get 11 points for the word Quagmire" and "Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week?" I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself. Word to your mother.
27. That I'm not French.
26. Chocolate. Let's just call them as we see them, huh? Favorite foods deserve much thanks.
25. Taffy Apples
24. Peanut Butter
23. My Dreams. I just love that every morning I wake up to the joy of thinking about my internal amusement the night before. Last night, I was playing with action figures. I mean in my dream. Not in real life. Really.
22. Brian Urlacher. Let us all give thanks for 54 and the bounty he brings to us. Amen.
21. That I work with people who engage me in conversation like, "So, is it pronounced giblets or jiblets?"
20. My cool new Sketchers. They are like ultra-hip bowling shoes. They're the perfect combination of cool and comfort. They feel like wearing slippers. Oh yah.
19. Cars. Walking stinks.
18. The times when Blogspot lets me post picture. Because on days like today when it doesn't, I get very angry.
17. Dental Hygiene. Like photos on Blogspot, it's when you don't have it that you realize how wonderful it is. I am thankful for Dr. Sup and the art of flossing.
16. Robots "These are a few of my favorite things..."
15. Pirates
14. Monkeys.
13. Da Bears. The score of this year's Super Bowl? 63 - 3. If Ditka were involved, 103 -0.
12. TV. And not just my current shows like Lost, Heroes and Studio 60 but all the great TV that has has kept me entertained from The Muppet Show to MacGyver to Buffy to Firefly. Thanks for being my friend.
11. Movies. There's a reason I dream about robots and vampires. I watch too many movies. But without the creative outlet of movies, I'd be...well, I'd be about the same but without lots of nerdiness and weird dreams.
10. That my nephew Landon's name has so many nickname opportunities like L-Dubs and Lando.
9. Salt Creek Barbeque. I am so thankful to have this restaurant. If I were Popeye, it'd be my spinach.
8. Joe Crede. And I would like to be thankful for him as a White Sox NEXT year too, Kenny Williams.
7. Tadahito Iguchi. My plan to name my first born (Boy: Tadahito, Girl: Tadahita) after the 2nd baseman has already been shot down. But I'm told we can name the dog Tadahito.
6. Jermaine Dye. Perhaps the coolest baseball player? For sure one of the most underrated. The true Hero of Soxville.
5. Paul Konerko. I cannot hear Metallica's "Harvester of Sorrows" without getting a voluntary rush of excitement that he'll hit a dinger. And then I just realize I am sitting in my car. And it's November. Thank you Paulie. Just for being you.
4. Jim Thome. Is there any greater story than the evildoer who comes to the light? He's like our Anakin. Our apostle Paul. From Indian to Sox, Jim is our champion.
3. Ozzie Guillen. Thank you, Ozzie. Thank you so @#$% much for *&$#%@ *#$&!#.
2. The White Sox. Yah, I've listed several individuals. But this is that I'm thankful for the club as an entity. I think back on how my family and friends have bonded over this team for years and how it's just so great to have a common bond no matter what the ballclub actually does. But of course it is nice when they win, thus...
1. The 2005 White Sox. Yes, it is over. We are not champions any longer. But I shall forever be thankful that I have that joy in my heart. Of course, winning again would be cool too.
30 Things I am Thankful For
30. Pants. Is there anything we take more for granted? Where would we be without pants? Half-naked that's what. I enjoy pants and I am not too proud to admit it. My favorite pants right now are my Hip Jeans. (Although a nice pair of pajama pants are never to be taken for granted.) But of all time, my faves would have to be a black pair of parachute pants that an older cousin passed down to me. I was so cool. About 10 years too late.
29. Drew Brees. Without him, my Fantasy Football season would be shot. His 4-week span of 300-plus yard games (and one topping 500) has carried my team into playoff contention despite losing both starting runningbacks to injury.
28. Rappers. Where else would we get phrases like "I'm like George Foreman, I'm selling so many grills," "I'm not a businessman, I am a business, man," "I am the king of Boogle. There is none higher. I get 11 points for the word Quagmire" and "Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week?" I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself. Word to your mother.
27. That I'm not French.
26. Chocolate. Let's just call them as we see them, huh? Favorite foods deserve much thanks.
25. Taffy Apples
24. Peanut Butter
23. My Dreams. I just love that every morning I wake up to the joy of thinking about my internal amusement the night before. Last night, I was playing with action figures. I mean in my dream. Not in real life. Really.
22. Brian Urlacher. Let us all give thanks for 54 and the bounty he brings to us. Amen.
21. That I work with people who engage me in conversation like, "So, is it pronounced giblets or jiblets?"
20. My cool new Sketchers. They are like ultra-hip bowling shoes. They're the perfect combination of cool and comfort. They feel like wearing slippers. Oh yah.
19. Cars. Walking stinks.
18. The times when Blogspot lets me post picture. Because on days like today when it doesn't, I get very angry.
17. Dental Hygiene. Like photos on Blogspot, it's when you don't have it that you realize how wonderful it is. I am thankful for Dr. Sup and the art of flossing.
16. Robots "These are a few of my favorite things..."
15. Pirates
14. Monkeys.
13. Da Bears. The score of this year's Super Bowl? 63 - 3. If Ditka were involved, 103 -0.
12. TV. And not just my current shows like Lost, Heroes and Studio 60 but all the great TV that has has kept me entertained from The Muppet Show to MacGyver to Buffy to Firefly. Thanks for being my friend.
11. Movies. There's a reason I dream about robots and vampires. I watch too many movies. But without the creative outlet of movies, I'd be...well, I'd be about the same but without lots of nerdiness and weird dreams.
10. That my nephew Landon's name has so many nickname opportunities like L-Dubs and Lando.
9. Salt Creek Barbeque. I am so thankful to have this restaurant. If I were Popeye, it'd be my spinach.
8. Joe Crede. And I would like to be thankful for him as a White Sox NEXT year too, Kenny Williams.
7. Tadahito Iguchi. My plan to name my first born (Boy: Tadahito, Girl: Tadahita) after the 2nd baseman has already been shot down. But I'm told we can name the dog Tadahito.
6. Jermaine Dye. Perhaps the coolest baseball player? For sure one of the most underrated. The true Hero of Soxville.
5. Paul Konerko. I cannot hear Metallica's "Harvester of Sorrows" without getting a voluntary rush of excitement that he'll hit a dinger. And then I just realize I am sitting in my car. And it's November. Thank you Paulie. Just for being you.
4. Jim Thome. Is there any greater story than the evildoer who comes to the light? He's like our Anakin. Our apostle Paul. From Indian to Sox, Jim is our champion.
3. Ozzie Guillen. Thank you, Ozzie. Thank you so @#$% much for *&$#%@ *#$&!#.
2. The White Sox. Yah, I've listed several individuals. But this is that I'm thankful for the club as an entity. I think back on how my family and friends have bonded over this team for years and how it's just so great to have a common bond no matter what the ballclub actually does. But of course it is nice when they win, thus...
1. The 2005 White Sox. Yes, it is over. We are not champions any longer. But I shall forever be thankful that I have that joy in my heart. Of course, winning again would be cool too.
Where Have All The Zombies Gone?
After reading yesterday's Dream Log!, Marc came to me with a very important observation. He said, "You were helping Tony Blair. Why weren't you fighting him? What has happened to your dreams?" You know, I have not thought about this, but Marc is right. It's been a long time since I've had a fighting dream.
In my past, my dreams have featured me fighting vampires, robots, zombies, zombie gargoyles, alien meteorite zombies, SD6, The Others, Cubans (the people, not the cigars), friends who've been turned into vampires (sorry, Jill!), Nazis, and more.
But now? No fighting. I had a dream a few months ago where my brother and I were some kind of agents or cops, but we weren't really fighting anyone. And I didn't have my trademark weapons of a wooden bat or fire poker (Sorry again, Jill!). So, something has changed.
As Marc and I talked--and I later thumbed through my dream journal--I began to realize that my fighting dreams tapered off at about the exact time I began my relationship with My Intended. I'm not gonna get all mushy here, but as Marc said, there may be some coorelation here between my dream struggles and my singleness. Perhaps I was wrestling with some intangible demons that in my dreams became literal, tangible demons. This wouldn't be the first time that my state of singleness seeped into my dreams.
So how do I now explain doing eXtreme Sports with Tony Blair? I'm guessing late-night burritos.
In my past, my dreams have featured me fighting vampires, robots, zombies, zombie gargoyles, alien meteorite zombies, SD6, The Others, Cubans (the people, not the cigars), friends who've been turned into vampires (sorry, Jill!), Nazis, and more.
But now? No fighting. I had a dream a few months ago where my brother and I were some kind of agents or cops, but we weren't really fighting anyone. And I didn't have my trademark weapons of a wooden bat or fire poker (Sorry again, Jill!). So, something has changed.
As Marc and I talked--and I later thumbed through my dream journal--I began to realize that my fighting dreams tapered off at about the exact time I began my relationship with My Intended. I'm not gonna get all mushy here, but as Marc said, there may be some coorelation here between my dream struggles and my singleness. Perhaps I was wrestling with some intangible demons that in my dreams became literal, tangible demons. This wouldn't be the first time that my state of singleness seeped into my dreams.
So how do I now explain doing eXtreme Sports with Tony Blair? I'm guessing late-night burritos.
11.20.2006
Daniel Craig je dobrý. Daniel Craig je Bond.
A big first for me today: I got to see something I wrote translated into another language. So, if you've wanted to read my Casino Royale review while pretending you're in Slovakia, you're finally in luck!
PTOIT Special Feature: Dream Log!
To answer his critics, Tony Blair demonstrated his trust in U.S. President Bush by stepping off an airplane and riding a zipline to the ground. I watched the stunt on CNN and was impressed that he'd do that--but not really getting the connection between Bush and Xtreme sports. Then, I am on top of this huge black house with Blair. We are preparing his second stunt. He asks me to do it with him. So, we jump from the roof and land on this other house. All is fine until the shingles give way and we both begin sliding down the steep roof. Thinking quickly, Blair and I build this anchoring device as we slide. It's basically a metal stick. Blair throws it to me and I stick it in the roof and it catches us both. The metal device has a rope in it that we use to very gently lower ourselves to the ground. Even though it was a blundered stunt, everyone on the ground thinks it went as planned and cheer for us. My Intended's mom approaches. She's the Queen of England. She asks Blair and I which British Royal is our favorite.
PTOIT Special Feature: Dream Log!
To answer his critics, Tony Blair demonstrated his trust in U.S. President Bush by stepping off an airplane and riding a zipline to the ground. I watched the stunt on CNN and was impressed that he'd do that--but not really getting the connection between Bush and Xtreme sports. Then, I am on top of this huge black house with Blair. We are preparing his second stunt. He asks me to do it with him. So, we jump from the roof and land on this other house. All is fine until the shingles give way and we both begin sliding down the steep roof. Thinking quickly, Blair and I build this anchoring device as we slide. It's basically a metal stick. Blair throws it to me and I stick it in the roof and it catches us both. The metal device has a rope in it that we use to very gently lower ourselves to the ground. Even though it was a blundered stunt, everyone on the ground thinks it went as planned and cheer for us. My Intended's mom approaches. She's the Queen of England. She asks Blair and I which British Royal is our favorite.
11.17.2006
See yah, sucka
Neal Cotts was traded from the White Sox yesterday. My sister is not happy at all. The worst part for her is not that he's no longer a Sox. Nor even that he's an arch-rival Cub. But that he apparently won't look as cute in Cubby blue. I, however, am just fine with his departure. The last time we traded with the Cubs we gave up some no-namer and got a young kid named Jon Garland. That worked out OK.Anywho, I heard the Cotts news from my sister yesterday at noon. I was at a lunch meeting. When I left--and was walking down the street with my boss--I saw I had two voicemails from my sister. Just then, a man ran out of a shop and said, "Chris, Chris. I have a man here who knows you!" This guy was my boss' barber. And an old friend of Chris' just happened to be in the chair.
I followed Chris in to say hello. After the initial greetings, I backed against the wall to check my voicemail while this man told Chris how he was doing. I tried to be polite and still nod and gently smile as the man talked--even with my cell to my ear. In the first message, my sister was despondent about the deal. In the second, she was angry over how they were star-crossed lovers and he'd look less attractive in a Cubs uniform. This made me smile and giggle aloud.
That's when I looked up and realized that the man in the barber chair--who I was kinda pretending to listen to--was talking about his rough battle with cancer. And I'm here giggling.
This really hasn't been a good year for Cotts and I.
Quote of the Week
"Actually, they said they were interested in the house because of the well-kept lawn boy." -Doug V, after I teased him that people were interested in his house only because of the well-kept lawn (by yours truly).
11.14.2006
Stream of Thought
10 Things Bugging Me Right Now: 10. Those Jeep commercials where the cars are mistaken for bugs. How did that idea come up in a meeting? "So, I think it would be appealing if our cars were disquised as insects. Everyone likes bugs. Pass the pipe."
9. I've lost Clinton Portis from my fantasy team due to injury. Just when I made a dramatic burst into playoff contention. Drat.
8. This head cold.
7. The Ten Commandments: The Musical. Actually, it's not really bugging me. But I wanted to work it in today. We got this mailed to us at work. I assumed it was somekind of parody or publicity stunt. But, no. It's real. It seems like something they'd do on The Simpsons. After all, they did Planet of the Apes: The Musical.
6. People who park here at work in spots that are not parking spots. Some people like to say I am a Parking Nazi, but I get here early and get a good spot. But then, people who arrive late for work get equally good spots by cheating and parking in places where there are no lines--or are actually marked as no parking. It's the justice of it all. We have rules and guidelines for a reason and you just can't park all willy-nilly. Today, it's parking wherever you want, tomorrow it's martial law.
5. That ad on the ChristianityToday.com site with a lawnchair-turned-wheelchair. It's a great ministry, it just looks funny.
4. This guy I met today who's fingernails were all well-trimmed except for both of his pinkies. Those nails were about an inch long. What's up with that? Is he a cage fighter?
3. That I can't come up with 10 real things that bug me. That must mean that things are going pretty welll.
2. The fact that people are starving in Africa, slavery still exists, children are kidnapped into the sex industry and I am sitting here complaining about bug-cars and parking spaces.
1. Those Bug-Jeeps again. If I wanted a car that looked like a bug, I'd look for a big green Praying Mantis one. Because it'd be scary.
11.10.2006
I Thought They Smelled Bad on the Outside
Since everyone has been having so much fun with that lawnmower pic, I thought I'd jump in the game too. When Marc first did the ostrich photo, I'd been wanting to Photoshop myself onto a Tauntaun. (Yes, I am that big of a geek.) However, my laziness got the best of me until The Gat revived my enthusiasm for the idea by mentioning it in a comment.
My favorite part of this image is how ill-prepared I am for the elements. I may freeze before I reach the first marker, but I am so happy about it.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Protein is good in your stomach, not on your mail." -LaTonya about why she wouldn't take her stack of mail while eating a hard-boiled egg.
"Thanks to a diet of nutritious sausage, Billy Dee Williams is ageless." An article on scifi.com.
*Special Apologies to Holly who had the best quote of the week last week and was snubbed from PTOIT inclusion. At the Sycamore Pumpkin Fest parade, Holly saw a Shriner in a mini-Pink Cadillac go-kart and made reference to sales promotions for Mary Kay ladies. It was wonderful...
11.08.2006
I'm Too Sexy For The Focus
That's right, everyone. My career as a model is BOOMING. I've made my second appearance in Today's Christian in two issues. This time, you can almost make out my face! And I'm featured with Friend Kibibi. Having us both in the same photo is risky. That's just a lot of good looking for one page.Speaking of photos, I need to build some suspense about tomorrow's blog post. Be sure to come back because we have the latest entry in the "Todd Riding Stuff" series.
Pop Culture Prophet
One thing that Former Boss Randy (Hey, Rando!) and I used to joke about was me being a Pop Culture Prophet. It came about because I kept having these nerdy dreams about movies and TV that would come true. I predicted Survivor winners more than once in my dreams. And before every Star Wars prequel came out, I'd have a dream about seeing it early. My reaction to the movies in these dreams was always an indicator of the movie's quality: The first two being disappointing and the third awesome.
My Pop Culture Prophet-ness continues.
From Putting the Odd in Todd (PTOIT) on May 5, 2006:
"I wanted to put this quote up on my blog so that when Britney and Kevin Federline divorce in 6 months I can act like I knew it. Kevin told Spin magazine, 'I ain't getting no divorce. I don't believe in that. Once you get married, you're in it for the fight.' Good luck, man."
I was off by two days. Two Days.
But you know, I don't really want to be all proud and snarky about it. It's just sad.
Day of Decision 2006
I wasn't going to vote yesterday. The political just doesn't rev me up all that much. But, I finally decided at the end of the day to go for it. I crammed my head with campaign info and did my part. As I was driving over to the polling place I thought that it'd be a lot easier if the U.S. did political elections like Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. If we could sit in our living rooms and just text in some votes, I bet voter turn-out would be higher. And Mario Lopez would be governor.
I also thought that I'd get into politics much more if there was a Fantasy Politics league. You could draft candidates and get points based on votes and such. Good times. In fact, I'd get much more involved in anything if it was put into a Fantasy Football-like format.
At my polling place yesterday, I got caught in some kind of electronic vs. paper debate between polling officials. I got my little card from this eldery polling official. She told me to walk to the end of the table to get my paper ballot. I guess I misunderstood what the woman meant. I walked to the end of the table but there were no ballots there--Just a younger woman who said, "Did you want to vote electronically?"
I said, "Sure, I don't care. Whatever."
And then, The Eldery Woman said, "Talk to the other lady to get your paper ballot."
Whenever I am doing something official--like voting--I just assume that those in charge know what they are talking about. I just assume there is a right way to do it and they will instruct me how. So, I decided that I must have to vote with the paper ballot for some reason. So, I say, "Oh, OK. I guess I will use the paper ballot."
At that point, the Young Woman says, "You can vote electronically. You wanted to do that?"
I wasn't sure really what was going on. I still really don't understand why I was being asked to chose. Or really what I was choosing between. But what resulted was about 8 election officials all campaigning for me to vote one way or the other--paper or electronically.
Honestly, I could care less how I voted. So, I kinda just started twitching and turning back and forth between the stack of paper ballots and the electronic booth. An Old Crabby Polling Official yelled, "Just make up your mind!"
On the verge of tears, I grabbed a paper ballot and hid in the little booth. As I was voting, I heard the Young Woman say, "I guess I'll just take down the electronic booth. No one is using it." Right then, a woman said she'd vote with it and everyone was very happy. Except the Pro-Paper side.
I also thought that I'd get into politics much more if there was a Fantasy Politics league. You could draft candidates and get points based on votes and such. Good times. In fact, I'd get much more involved in anything if it was put into a Fantasy Football-like format.
At my polling place yesterday, I got caught in some kind of electronic vs. paper debate between polling officials. I got my little card from this eldery polling official. She told me to walk to the end of the table to get my paper ballot. I guess I misunderstood what the woman meant. I walked to the end of the table but there were no ballots there--Just a younger woman who said, "Did you want to vote electronically?"
I said, "Sure, I don't care. Whatever."
And then, The Eldery Woman said, "Talk to the other lady to get your paper ballot."
Whenever I am doing something official--like voting--I just assume that those in charge know what they are talking about. I just assume there is a right way to do it and they will instruct me how. So, I decided that I must have to vote with the paper ballot for some reason. So, I say, "Oh, OK. I guess I will use the paper ballot."
At that point, the Young Woman says, "You can vote electronically. You wanted to do that?"
I wasn't sure really what was going on. I still really don't understand why I was being asked to chose. Or really what I was choosing between. But what resulted was about 8 election officials all campaigning for me to vote one way or the other--paper or electronically.
Honestly, I could care less how I voted. So, I kinda just started twitching and turning back and forth between the stack of paper ballots and the electronic booth. An Old Crabby Polling Official yelled, "Just make up your mind!"
On the verge of tears, I grabbed a paper ballot and hid in the little booth. As I was voting, I heard the Young Woman say, "I guess I'll just take down the electronic booth. No one is using it." Right then, a woman said she'd vote with it and everyone was very happy. Except the Pro-Paper side.
11.06.2006
The Twinkie Factor
I am happy to announce that I did not die in my box.
In fact, I am now self-proclaiming myself as an expert of sleeping in cold weather in cardboard. (I would never claim to be THE leading expert because it's such a competitive field.) My box was nothing short of toasty. I went inside the box about midnight. I fell asleep in about ten minutes and slept straight through until 6:30. Not only was I warm, but I was quite cozy.
The box's strength was "The Twinkie Factor," as I like to call it. The box was wide but shallow. I taped pink home insulation to the inside walls. I slid my couch cushions inside. And then on either side of the cushions, I filled in the gaps with blankets. I slid into my sleeping bag on top of the cushions and locked the door with a screw and bolt. I then put a rolled-up sheet against the door. So basically, the box was stuffed with warm blankets and cushions--with me shoved into the middle. I was the twinkie's cream filling: Pasty, sweet and delightful. And very, very warm.
No, I couldn't move much in my Twinkie box. And when I woke Sunday morning, I slithered out much I was being born. But that's a small price to pay for staying warm in 35 degree weather.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 10, 2006)
I was running a marathon--inside a high school while it was in session. There were a lot of people in the halls and it made it difficult. At the rest stop in the cafeteria, I got a small cup of gatorade. But then, I couldn't figure out where the route was because there were so many hallways leaving the cafeteria and so much traffic. Finally, I just ran outside and around the building to find where I needed to be. When the marathon was over, I went to Cornerstone. And Michael Jackson was performing. I knew it was him by the white glove.
In fact, I am now self-proclaiming myself as an expert of sleeping in cold weather in cardboard. (I would never claim to be THE leading expert because it's such a competitive field.) My box was nothing short of toasty. I went inside the box about midnight. I fell asleep in about ten minutes and slept straight through until 6:30. Not only was I warm, but I was quite cozy.
The box's strength was "The Twinkie Factor," as I like to call it. The box was wide but shallow. I taped pink home insulation to the inside walls. I slid my couch cushions inside. And then on either side of the cushions, I filled in the gaps with blankets. I slid into my sleeping bag on top of the cushions and locked the door with a screw and bolt. I then put a rolled-up sheet against the door. So basically, the box was stuffed with warm blankets and cushions--with me shoved into the middle. I was the twinkie's cream filling: Pasty, sweet and delightful. And very, very warm.
No, I couldn't move much in my Twinkie box. And when I woke Sunday morning, I slithered out much I was being born. But that's a small price to pay for staying warm in 35 degree weather.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 10, 2006)
I was running a marathon--inside a high school while it was in session. There were a lot of people in the halls and it made it difficult. At the rest stop in the cafeteria, I got a small cup of gatorade. But then, I couldn't figure out where the route was because there were so many hallways leaving the cafeteria and so much traffic. Finally, I just ran outside and around the building to find where I needed to be. When the marathon was over, I went to Cornerstone. And Michael Jackson was performing. I knew it was him by the white glove.
11.03.2006
Putting Todd in a Box
Tomorrow night, I will be sleeping in a cardboard box. Outside. In the cold.
DuPage County is lucky enough to have an organization called Bridge Communities that helps homeless people get not just handouts but a means to climb out of their struggle. They get financial counseling, inroads to jobs, etc. Eventually, they are on their own feet again and even become homeowners. It's a neat program. Every year, Bridge's big fund and awareness drive is Sleepout for the Homeless. Our church participates. Three years ago, the youth group boys pointed out that the homeless do not have tents to sleep out in. And so, our tradition of sleeping in boxes was born.
I built my box last night. It's not quite done yet, but I am proud of it. It has a door with a seal and a pulley system that closes it tightly. It will have insulated walls (oh yah!). And a padded floor (couch cushions). I also plan on adding plastic to keep the dew from seeping in. This is serious business.
The first year we did this, I woke up in the middle of the night freezing. I was in one of those cocoon sleeping bags where you are supposed to sleep in a t-shirt and boxers because the bag uses your own body heat to warm you. Well, I don't like that strategy. I'd rather have lots and lots of blankets and clothes.
Laying in the box that night in just my underwear caused some inner-dialogue that I'm both amused by and ashamed of.
It was about 3 in the morning. It was freezing. I was in a box. And I knew I had youth group kids in boxes all around me. I thought:
"How cold can you get before you die? At what point does the human heart just stop? Could one of my kids be dead? They might be dying. I should go check. Wait. I'm in my underwear. I'd have to run out there in just a shirt and shorts. Or get dressed. It'd take awhile to get dressed. And be cold. I could stay here. I am sure they are fine. They're young. Their hearts are strong. I'll just stay here."
QUOTES OF THE WEEK!
"Seventy percent of the world is covered by ocean. The other 30 percent is covered by the BEARS defense." -My sister.
"Am I a bad person if I don't love Lucy?" -Camerin, after watching an episode of I Love Lucy.
"Look at you all fuzzy! You look like a bear." -Fleener to a co-worker in a big sweater.
"I asked Mom how Landon's first Halloween was going and she said, 'He's the cutest trick-or-treater ever.' I asked Chad and he said, 'He won't stop screaming and he peed his pumpkin outfit.' " -My sister.
"It's only cool to pee in your pumpkin outfit when you're an infant. Now, not as cool." -My sister.
"Wait a minute. Whoa, there it was. I brought my sexy back. Oh. It's gone again." -Fleener
DuPage County is lucky enough to have an organization called Bridge Communities that helps homeless people get not just handouts but a means to climb out of their struggle. They get financial counseling, inroads to jobs, etc. Eventually, they are on their own feet again and even become homeowners. It's a neat program. Every year, Bridge's big fund and awareness drive is Sleepout for the Homeless. Our church participates. Three years ago, the youth group boys pointed out that the homeless do not have tents to sleep out in. And so, our tradition of sleeping in boxes was born.
I built my box last night. It's not quite done yet, but I am proud of it. It has a door with a seal and a pulley system that closes it tightly. It will have insulated walls (oh yah!). And a padded floor (couch cushions). I also plan on adding plastic to keep the dew from seeping in. This is serious business.
The first year we did this, I woke up in the middle of the night freezing. I was in one of those cocoon sleeping bags where you are supposed to sleep in a t-shirt and boxers because the bag uses your own body heat to warm you. Well, I don't like that strategy. I'd rather have lots and lots of blankets and clothes.
Laying in the box that night in just my underwear caused some inner-dialogue that I'm both amused by and ashamed of.
It was about 3 in the morning. It was freezing. I was in a box. And I knew I had youth group kids in boxes all around me. I thought:
"How cold can you get before you die? At what point does the human heart just stop? Could one of my kids be dead? They might be dying. I should go check. Wait. I'm in my underwear. I'd have to run out there in just a shirt and shorts. Or get dressed. It'd take awhile to get dressed. And be cold. I could stay here. I am sure they are fine. They're young. Their hearts are strong. I'll just stay here."
QUOTES OF THE WEEK!
"Seventy percent of the world is covered by ocean. The other 30 percent is covered by the BEARS defense." -My sister.
"Am I a bad person if I don't love Lucy?" -Camerin, after watching an episode of I Love Lucy.
"Look at you all fuzzy! You look like a bear." -Fleener to a co-worker in a big sweater.
"I asked Mom how Landon's first Halloween was going and she said, 'He's the cutest trick-or-treater ever.' I asked Chad and he said, 'He won't stop screaming and he peed his pumpkin outfit.' " -My sister.
"It's only cool to pee in your pumpkin outfit when you're an infant. Now, not as cool." -My sister.
"Wait a minute. Whoa, there it was. I brought my sexy back. Oh. It's gone again." -Fleener
11.01.2006
Boo!
The Chicago Film Critics Association has released it's list of the 100 Scariest Movies of All Time. These aren't necessarily the best horror movies of all time-- but the films that have scared us the most. I got to vote for the list. So, I thought I'd share what I voted for and why:
1. The Shining - "I made the mistake of renting this for the first time while I was alone late at night on Halloween. With the lights off. I wigged myself out so much, I had to pause it and take a breather. When I restarted it, I was getting into it again when Gene and Jeff came home and scared the crap out of me. This movie didn't need special effects or neat camera tricks to scare you. Jack is scary enough."
2. The Blair Witch Project - "I saw it at Piper's Alley in Chicago. If you've never been there, one wall of the entrance hallway is covered in plastered handprints. As I was leaving, I saw the handprints and was freaked out. Blair Witch ends with the luckless college students trapped in a house covered with kids' handprints all over the walls. Eerie stuff. That final scene of the three characters in the basement has stayed with me ever since I first saw it. The subtle-touch and realistic terror stuck with me."
3. Session 9 - "I make groups of friends watch this one with me because it's just so eerie and haunting. What I love the most about it is that you don't even realize it is a scary movie until you are deep within the frightening story. It doesn't even hint at being scary for like 40 minutes. And then when it gets eerie, it goes all the way until you feel almost claustrophobic. Atmoshphere in a film is what creeps me out the most in movies--and accounts for why Blair Witch, Session 9, The Others, Fraility and many of the other movies that made my Top 25."
4. 28 Days Later - "Unlike many slick new horror films, the shooting style and modern effects are used effectively to make this gritty and raw film feel more ferocious. The movie drops you into a meat grinder in the first few minutes--and then things get worse. You can't help but feel the terror the characters feel."
5. Scream -"The scariest theater experience I've had. I was so tense, my stomach hurt. I kept looking behind me to make sure I wasn't going to get stabbed through the chair."
6. The Exorcism of Emily Rose - "The second scariest theater experience I've had. I was the only one in the theater and I literally got up at one point to walk around because I was so freaked out thinking about demons in the theatre. The reality of supernatural evil is what really got me while watching this one. This is a great but underappreciated film."
7. The Sixth Sense - "The red tent scene still gets me. And whenever I am in my condo brushing my teeth, I worry about someone passing behind me. So I keep the bathroom door closed."
8. Night of the Living Dead - "I have a thing with zombies. And I think the black-and-white rawness of this film makes it that much scarier. I think the slow-lurking of zombies (like Michael Myers and robots--see #10 and #21) is very scary."
9. The Silence of the Lambs - "That serial killer was one of the scariest dudes ever: 'Put the lotion in the basket!' And then, there's that infamous infared scene. Yowzers."
10. Halloween - "There's not much scarier in film than Michael Myers. Slowly. But. Constantly. Pursuing. You. In. The. Dark."
11. The Others
12. Fraility
13. Alien
14. The Evil Dead
15. Stir of Echoes
16. Duel
17. Child's Play
18. Psycho (the original)
19. The Omen (the original)
20. The Exorcist
21. The Terminator
22. Flatliners
23. Jacob's Ladder
24. Stephen King's It
25. The Stepford Wives (the original)
1. The Shining - "I made the mistake of renting this for the first time while I was alone late at night on Halloween. With the lights off. I wigged myself out so much, I had to pause it and take a breather. When I restarted it, I was getting into it again when Gene and Jeff came home and scared the crap out of me. This movie didn't need special effects or neat camera tricks to scare you. Jack is scary enough."
2. The Blair Witch Project - "I saw it at Piper's Alley in Chicago. If you've never been there, one wall of the entrance hallway is covered in plastered handprints. As I was leaving, I saw the handprints and was freaked out. Blair Witch ends with the luckless college students trapped in a house covered with kids' handprints all over the walls. Eerie stuff. That final scene of the three characters in the basement has stayed with me ever since I first saw it. The subtle-touch and realistic terror stuck with me."
3. Session 9 - "I make groups of friends watch this one with me because it's just so eerie and haunting. What I love the most about it is that you don't even realize it is a scary movie until you are deep within the frightening story. It doesn't even hint at being scary for like 40 minutes. And then when it gets eerie, it goes all the way until you feel almost claustrophobic. Atmoshphere in a film is what creeps me out the most in movies--and accounts for why Blair Witch, Session 9, The Others, Fraility and many of the other movies that made my Top 25."
4. 28 Days Later - "Unlike many slick new horror films, the shooting style and modern effects are used effectively to make this gritty and raw film feel more ferocious. The movie drops you into a meat grinder in the first few minutes--and then things get worse. You can't help but feel the terror the characters feel."
5. Scream -"The scariest theater experience I've had. I was so tense, my stomach hurt. I kept looking behind me to make sure I wasn't going to get stabbed through the chair."
6. The Exorcism of Emily Rose - "The second scariest theater experience I've had. I was the only one in the theater and I literally got up at one point to walk around because I was so freaked out thinking about demons in the theatre. The reality of supernatural evil is what really got me while watching this one. This is a great but underappreciated film."
7. The Sixth Sense - "The red tent scene still gets me. And whenever I am in my condo brushing my teeth, I worry about someone passing behind me. So I keep the bathroom door closed."
8. Night of the Living Dead - "I have a thing with zombies. And I think the black-and-white rawness of this film makes it that much scarier. I think the slow-lurking of zombies (like Michael Myers and robots--see #10 and #21) is very scary."
9. The Silence of the Lambs - "That serial killer was one of the scariest dudes ever: 'Put the lotion in the basket!' And then, there's that infamous infared scene. Yowzers."
10. Halloween - "There's not much scarier in film than Michael Myers. Slowly. But. Constantly. Pursuing. You. In. The. Dark."
11. The Others
12. Fraility
13. Alien
14. The Evil Dead
15. Stir of Echoes
16. Duel
17. Child's Play
18. Psycho (the original)
19. The Omen (the original)
20. The Exorcist
21. The Terminator
22. Flatliners
23. Jacob's Ladder
24. Stephen King's It
25. The Stepford Wives (the original)
10.31.2006
My Blue Light Special
LaTonya wanted to give me a stack of pennies yesterday. She needed two quarters for the vending machine and thought I'd do an exchange. But I wasn't interested. (In retrospect, maybe I should have because I could have given the pennies away for Halloween. )
Anyway, I didn't want 50 pennies. And LaTonya didn't want to be a quarter charity case, so I told her that maybe there was something I could buy from her office for 50 cents. I ended up getting a blue-colored light bulb. I've put it in my lamp this morning because I thought it would be festive for halloween. It's just kinda dim in here. Which I guess is scary. And kinda giving me a headache.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today is a very special FUN WITH GOOGLE! To celebrate Halloween, I just typed in one search term into Google images to see what I would get. The word: "Costumes." I wasn't disappointed.
Anyway, I didn't want 50 pennies. And LaTonya didn't want to be a quarter charity case, so I told her that maybe there was something I could buy from her office for 50 cents. I ended up getting a blue-colored light bulb. I've put it in my lamp this morning because I thought it would be festive for halloween. It's just kinda dim in here. Which I guess is scary. And kinda giving me a headache.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today is a very special FUN WITH GOOGLE! To celebrate Halloween, I just typed in one search term into Google images to see what I would get. The word: "Costumes." I wasn't disappointed.
Photo #1: I've actually seen this guy online before. There's a whole site out there about the creation of this suit. I admire this kind of work for a Halloween costume. I'd build myself a robot suit too...but I'm too lazy.
Photo #2: So. Many. Jokes. This kid looks flush. haha. This costume is crappy. haha. Just down the drain.
Phot0 #3: This one is for a special segment of the PTOIT readership. You know who you are. But again, is it any wonder that robot costumes are so popular? We all love robots. And you know, I would build my own if I weren't so lazy. And were more lonely.
10.30.2006
The Diet Geyser
I feel like I just had a 9-day weekend and I have that much time's worth of stories. Good times. My Intended and I got our engagement pictures taken. My family visited for the weekend. And the town of Sycamore celebrated Pumpkin Fest. There was much rejoicing.
Today, we only have time for one story from all that fun: My Intended and I were chasing around a friend's little boy (for fun--not to kidnap him or anything). We were frolicking in the leaves. He'd throw leaves on us and then run off. We'd do the same to him. To become more effective in the throwing of leaves, I set my open pop can in the grass. I went back to the leaf throwing. The boy took off running. My Intended gave chase. Being crafty, I went around the other way to cut him off. I was about 2 feet away from grabbing him when--KABOOSH--I stepped on the pop can just right so that it EXPLODED and shot like a Diet Geyser all over me. If I tried to step on a can just right to produce this effect, it would never happen. But somehow, the star aligned to form the perfect pressure to send the entire can of soda all over my legs, sweater and face.
The boy was stunned. And The Intended laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(Dated 10/11/2006)
My friend Jeff and I are watching LOST. Jeff tells me it's an action-packed episode but that we don't learn much about the island in it. He says that next week we'll learn who Henry Gale is. In the episode we're watching, Claire is in danger. Charlie swims to her rescue. Meanwhile, Henry Gale is taunting Jack and telling him that he's creating a new Sim City computer game. Keeping Jack hostage is helping him design the game.
Then, Jeff and I are walking on a deserted dirt road. We are sneaking up on The Other's camp. We also have R2-D2 with us. R2 helps us find a hidden motorcycle under some bushes. We think about riding the cycle into the camp to surprise the Others. But we decide to sneak in instead. We go into a house and snoop around. Jeff is in a back room when I see a group of Other women approaching. I shout to Jeff. He doesn't come so I sneak out the back door and run for my life. The back yard is huge and backs up onto a park. As I run, an Other woman stands on her back porch and ridicules me. She knows my name and threatens me. I get far from the house -- and am near some trees and a river. I hide and then carefully work my way along the edge of the river. I finally climb out from the trees to find myself inside a K-mart.
Today, we only have time for one story from all that fun: My Intended and I were chasing around a friend's little boy (for fun--not to kidnap him or anything). We were frolicking in the leaves. He'd throw leaves on us and then run off. We'd do the same to him. To become more effective in the throwing of leaves, I set my open pop can in the grass. I went back to the leaf throwing. The boy took off running. My Intended gave chase. Being crafty, I went around the other way to cut him off. I was about 2 feet away from grabbing him when--KABOOSH--I stepped on the pop can just right so that it EXPLODED and shot like a Diet Geyser all over me. If I tried to step on a can just right to produce this effect, it would never happen. But somehow, the star aligned to form the perfect pressure to send the entire can of soda all over my legs, sweater and face.
The boy was stunned. And The Intended laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(Dated 10/11/2006)
My friend Jeff and I are watching LOST. Jeff tells me it's an action-packed episode but that we don't learn much about the island in it. He says that next week we'll learn who Henry Gale is. In the episode we're watching, Claire is in danger. Charlie swims to her rescue. Meanwhile, Henry Gale is taunting Jack and telling him that he's creating a new Sim City computer game. Keeping Jack hostage is helping him design the game.
Then, Jeff and I are walking on a deserted dirt road. We are sneaking up on The Other's camp. We also have R2-D2 with us. R2 helps us find a hidden motorcycle under some bushes. We think about riding the cycle into the camp to surprise the Others. But we decide to sneak in instead. We go into a house and snoop around. Jeff is in a back room when I see a group of Other women approaching. I shout to Jeff. He doesn't come so I sneak out the back door and run for my life. The back yard is huge and backs up onto a park. As I run, an Other woman stands on her back porch and ridicules me. She knows my name and threatens me. I get far from the house -- and am near some trees and a river. I hide and then carefully work my way along the edge of the river. I finally climb out from the trees to find myself inside a K-mart.
10.27.2006
The Partaking
Something has really been missing around the office lately. And it is called, "Partaking."
A couple of years ago I began to buy the Aldi brand of Diet Cola and bring the cartons straight into w
ork. When I took a can from the fridge in the IYF designers' fridge, I'd pop another in. Not long after, I offered our designer Fleener to partake in the Diet Colas as much as he wanted as well. And he did.
And so for a long time, Doug and I would partake in the Diet Cola. If he heard the fridge door opening he'd say, "Are you partaking?" Sometimes, I would only bring in one can from home. He'd catch me drinking it and ask as if I was cheating on him. "I cannot belive you are partaking without me," he'd say. "I thought it meant something."
You'll see on the right that the Diet Cola box says, "Great Tasting!" Doug and I decided that the slogan was a tad misrepresentative. We thought maybe it should be, "Not So Bad!" or "Good for What you Pay!" or "Eh."
But yet, this stuff is addicting. The Sweet Valley Diet Cola was our drug of choice. I'd say, "I can quit anytime." And finally, I've pretty much weened off it. It's not that I don't like it. I'm just out and too lazy to go to the store.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Did you just kill a bunny?" -Sawyer, on LOST.
"I still dance in the aisles, Todd... you never stopped me." -My sister in an IM conversation about the cruel things that older brothers do to their sisters. And how the sisters are too storng to let it get to them. It was so sweet I cried.
"It's Of Mice and Men. You'd like it. Puppies get killed." -Sawyer, on LOST.
"What is this 'crown molding' Todd speaks of?" -Charissa, while we were painting Marc's house. I kept saying that we didn't have to worry about cutting around the ceiling because the crown molding would go there and somehow Charissa decided that menat that Crown Molding is like white-out for any place you mess up or don't want to paint.
"Oops. Get the crown molding." -Charissa
A couple of years ago I began to buy the Aldi brand of Diet Cola and bring the cartons straight into w
ork. When I took a can from the fridge in the IYF designers' fridge, I'd pop another in. Not long after, I offered our designer Fleener to partake in the Diet Colas as much as he wanted as well. And he did.And so for a long time, Doug and I would partake in the Diet Cola. If he heard the fridge door opening he'd say, "Are you partaking?" Sometimes, I would only bring in one can from home. He'd catch me drinking it and ask as if I was cheating on him. "I cannot belive you are partaking without me," he'd say. "I thought it meant something."
You'll see on the right that the Diet Cola box says, "Great Tasting!" Doug and I decided that the slogan was a tad misrepresentative. We thought maybe it should be, "Not So Bad!" or "Good for What you Pay!" or "Eh."
But yet, this stuff is addicting. The Sweet Valley Diet Cola was our drug of choice. I'd say, "I can quit anytime." And finally, I've pretty much weened off it. It's not that I don't like it. I'm just out and too lazy to go to the store.
PTOIT Quotes of the Week
"Did you just kill a bunny?" -Sawyer, on LOST.
"I still dance in the aisles, Todd... you never stopped me." -My sister in an IM conversation about the cruel things that older brothers do to their sisters. And how the sisters are too storng to let it get to them. It was so sweet I cried.
"It's Of Mice and Men. You'd like it. Puppies get killed." -Sawyer, on LOST.
"What is this 'crown molding' Todd speaks of?" -Charissa, while we were painting Marc's house. I kept saying that we didn't have to worry about cutting around the ceiling because the crown molding would go there and somehow Charissa decided that menat that Crown Molding is like white-out for any place you mess up or don't want to paint.
"Oops. Get the crown molding." -Charissa
10.26.2006
Sauerkraut: The Thing That Divides Us All
I don't often get my life threatened. Especially by mass groups of people. But yesterday was a special occasion.
It started off simply enough. I went downstairs to the lunchroom to heat up my lunch--leftover sausage and sauerkraut from the night before. I grew up having suppers of sausage and sauerkraut. It is yummy. I am German and we like such things.
Well, not everyone likes sauerkraut. As I was heating it up in the microwave, the comments started. People complained about the smell. But it was all in good fun so I finished and went back to my office two stories above the lunchroom.
About 25 minutes later, the phone rings. The head of the department that sits next to the lunchroom is on the other end. She is very upset. And she quite often scares me. So I am concerned as she begins in a very serious and mean tone, "On behalf of this entire department, I want you to know that if you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER heat up Sauerkraut again, we will come for you. And we have torches and pitchforks."
Apparently not everyone likes sauerkraut.
PURPLE FEZ MONKEY AND THE LAST CRUSADE: WEEK 2
Last week, Purple Fez Monkey set sail on the Santa Maria to find his lost brother Red Fez Monkey. Today, I got my first letter back from Purple Fez. It reads:
"Dearest Todd, I am sad to report that so far I have not learned anything of Red Fez's whereabouts. It's been a grueling first week and I find myself in a world I know not.
I chose to sail down the mighty Mississippi River. My adventure took a bad turn when I stopped for supplies. I met a man whom I asked, "Have you seen my brother, Red Fez Monkey?" He said, yes. In fact, he said he knew where he was. Very excited, I followed him. He said that in order to pull Red Fez from hiding, I had to go undercover. Before I knew it, I was dressed in a silly vest and dancing on the street as this man played what appeared to be an accordian. After about 7 hours, I realized that this man didn't know where Red Fez was but was merely a street performer trying to make change. I was too gullible.
However, there was a bright spot. A man watching me perform on the street took pity on me and said, "Your embarrassment touches my heart. I shall treat you to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He t
old me he'd take me to a great sporting event where cardinals fought tigers. I enjoy seeing competitions between animals (the great Phase 10 contests we fez monkeys used to have still warms my heart) so I agreed. I decided that I'd root for the cardinals because cardinals have never tried to eat monkeys. The same cannot be said for tigers.
When we arrived at the sporting arena, I did not see one cardinal or tiger. Instead, only humans. No offense to you, but humans are not as fun to watch as animals. Unless they are Gallagher. He is funny. Although it was no contest of beasts, I still enjoyed myself. I have included a photo of me at the series of the world. I hope you enjoy it.
I am back on the Santa Maria now. I feel tremendous guilt for both being misled by those who would keep me from my quest and for being distracted by my own selfish entertainment. No more. I now sail for the oceans. I will find Red Fez Monkey. I will.
Your Friend and Mine,
Purple Fez "
It started off simply enough. I went downstairs to the lunchroom to heat up my lunch--leftover sausage and sauerkraut from the night before. I grew up having suppers of sausage and sauerkraut. It is yummy. I am German and we like such things.
Well, not everyone likes sauerkraut. As I was heating it up in the microwave, the comments started. People complained about the smell. But it was all in good fun so I finished and went back to my office two stories above the lunchroom.
About 25 minutes later, the phone rings. The head of the department that sits next to the lunchroom is on the other end. She is very upset. And she quite often scares me. So I am concerned as she begins in a very serious and mean tone, "On behalf of this entire department, I want you to know that if you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER heat up Sauerkraut again, we will come for you. And we have torches and pitchforks."
Apparently not everyone likes sauerkraut.
PURPLE FEZ MONKEY AND THE LAST CRUSADE: WEEK 2
Last week, Purple Fez Monkey set sail on the Santa Maria to find his lost brother Red Fez Monkey. Today, I got my first letter back from Purple Fez. It reads:
"Dearest Todd, I am sad to report that so far I have not learned anything of Red Fez's whereabouts. It's been a grueling first week and I find myself in a world I know not.
I chose to sail down the mighty Mississippi River. My adventure took a bad turn when I stopped for supplies. I met a man whom I asked, "Have you seen my brother, Red Fez Monkey?" He said, yes. In fact, he said he knew where he was. Very excited, I followed him. He said that in order to pull Red Fez from hiding, I had to go undercover. Before I knew it, I was dressed in a silly vest and dancing on the street as this man played what appeared to be an accordian. After about 7 hours, I realized that this man didn't know where Red Fez was but was merely a street performer trying to make change. I was too gullible.
However, there was a bright spot. A man watching me perform on the street took pity on me and said, "Your embarrassment touches my heart. I shall treat you to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He t
old me he'd take me to a great sporting event where cardinals fought tigers. I enjoy seeing competitions between animals (the great Phase 10 contests we fez monkeys used to have still warms my heart) so I agreed. I decided that I'd root for the cardinals because cardinals have never tried to eat monkeys. The same cannot be said for tigers.When we arrived at the sporting arena, I did not see one cardinal or tiger. Instead, only humans. No offense to you, but humans are not as fun to watch as animals. Unless they are Gallagher. He is funny. Although it was no contest of beasts, I still enjoyed myself. I have included a photo of me at the series of the world. I hope you enjoy it.
I am back on the Santa Maria now. I feel tremendous guilt for both being misled by those who would keep me from my quest and for being distracted by my own selfish entertainment. No more. I now sail for the oceans. I will find Red Fez Monkey. I will.
Your Friend and Mine,
Purple Fez "
10.25.2006
Onward and Upward!
The ante has been risen for reader-generated "Todd Riding Stuff" photos. Holy cow. This amazing image from Charissa casts me as a brave (but happy) knight leading a battle charge on my very angry dragon. I like thinking of this picture as a snapshot of the last moment before I soar off to war. I'm saying both goodbye and "Look! I'm riding a freakin' DRAGON! Isn't that cooool?"So, last night I went to Dominick's. They just re-did the store so everything looks different. Well, in the produce section they now have an entire kiosk of olives. Seriously. It's this big, round salad-bar like station of nothing but olives. Green ones, black ones, spiced ones, stuffed ones, etc. My first reaction was to think this is uber-random. I mean, what's next? A whole bar of cucumbers? Or asparagus? But then, I saw that one of the trays of olives was full of Blue-Cheese Stuffed Olives. At that point, I decided this Olive Bar was wonderful and I bought a 1/4 pound. I fell right into the Dominicks' trap!
WEDDING WEDNESDAY
At right you will see R2-D2. This is one of my most prized possessions. He's a cooler they use in gas stations to sell individual pop bottles. He was used when the original triology was re-released into theaters.
R2 was given to me for my high school graduation by my aunt and uncle. They got him because Aunt Kathy worked as a gas station manager. Sometimes I use R2 to hold ice and drinks at parties. But usually he holds my blankets and spare pillows.
So why is R2 featured here under Wedding Wednesday? Well, when I marry My Intended and we move in together, we will have limited space. And some things that are a tad "nerdy" may not quite fit into the decor of a married couple. Camerin brought up to me one day that I should open up discussion among my friends what R2 could now be used for. Camerin suggested a birdbath in the back yard.
Truthfully I already have a place of honor in my office earmarked for R2. Nothing says "professionalism" like a 4-foot droid! But for fun's sake, what are some creative ways R2 could be used post-wedding? Ideas?
10.24.2006
Meat and Potatoes
Yesterday a friend of mine said, "Have I told you my joke about Colonoscopies?" You know, it doesn't matter what the joke was because I was already laughing. That line on it's own is funny stuff. It just is.
So, Halloween is coming. I bought a big economy bag of Nerds in the event that someone may come trick-or-treating at my house for the first time since living there. Of course, the bag of Nerds is almost gone. So I may have to buy more. Or I could just give out nickels. Or maybe pictures of me. That's a good Trick-or-Treat haul right there.
My Halloween costume deliberations have gone through several cycles. I was going to attach one of those styrofoam planes to my torso and staple rubber snakes all over it to be Snakes on a Plane. Then I giggled about the absurdity of just going as a "potato," but I wasn't sure what that would look like. Then My Intended was going to be Cinderella. To go along with it, I thought about going as Gus Gus. Or her fairy godmother. Or the Fairy Godfather.
Now, she's not going as Cinderella. So we have a new idea for a couple costume. It's very simple. I'm all about the simple homemade costumes. As a kid I was a Ghostbuster, Benjamin Franklin and Ed Grimley. All homemade costumes. And you know you are one of the cool kids if you are dressing like Ben Franklin for Halloween.
PTOIT Special Feature: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today, I searched Google Images with the random search terms "meat" and "suit." Here's what I found:
Photo 1: At first, I thought maybe George Foreman was wearing boxing gloves made of meat. But that is not regulation in boxing. So I think this picture came up because George Foreman is a Meat Suit.
Photo 2: That's a lotta meat.
Phot0 #3: Sometimes I wonder why stuff gets put on the Internet. Someone went to a lot of effort to Photoshop this man into wearing a suit of meat. Why? Who knows. I just hope that someday, some other blog is doing a "Fun with Google" segment and uses the search terms "monkey" and "Santa Maria" and finds this. Good luck figuring out why that'd be on the Internet.
Photo #4: It's hard to tell, but this may be a real suit of meat. I found this on the site of some art exposition. This is art, people. Art. This would be a good Halloween costume. Hmmmm.
So, Halloween is coming. I bought a big economy bag of Nerds in the event that someone may come trick-or-treating at my house for the first time since living there. Of course, the bag of Nerds is almost gone. So I may have to buy more. Or I could just give out nickels. Or maybe pictures of me. That's a good Trick-or-Treat haul right there.
My Halloween costume deliberations have gone through several cycles. I was going to attach one of those styrofoam planes to my torso and staple rubber snakes all over it to be Snakes on a Plane. Then I giggled about the absurdity of just going as a "potato," but I wasn't sure what that would look like. Then My Intended was going to be Cinderella. To go along with it, I thought about going as Gus Gus. Or her fairy godmother. Or the Fairy Godfather.
Now, she's not going as Cinderella. So we have a new idea for a couple costume. It's very simple. I'm all about the simple homemade costumes. As a kid I was a Ghostbuster, Benjamin Franklin and Ed Grimley. All homemade costumes. And you know you are one of the cool kids if you are dressing like Ben Franklin for Halloween.
PTOIT Special Feature: FUN WITH GOOGLE!
Today, I searched Google Images with the random search terms "meat" and "suit." Here's what I found:
Photo 1: At first, I thought maybe George Foreman was wearing boxing gloves made of meat. But that is not regulation in boxing. So I think this picture came up because George Foreman is a Meat Suit.Photo 2: That's a lotta meat.
Phot0 #3: Sometimes I wonder why stuff gets put on the Internet. Someone went to a lot of effort to Photoshop this man into wearing a suit of meat. Why? Who knows. I just hope that someday, some other blog is doing a "Fun with Google" segment and uses the search terms "monkey" and "Santa Maria" and finds this. Good luck figuring out why that'd be on the Internet.Photo #4: It's hard to tell, but this may be a real suit of meat. I found this on the site of some art exposition. This is art, people. Art. This would be a good Halloween costume. Hmmmm.
10.20.2006
8 Seconds, Baby.
And so it continues. My brother Chad has now created his own "Todd Riding Something" photo. In this one, as Chad says, I am proving that I am indeed a little bit country. In fact, I seem very, very at home on top of this rampaging bull. Thanks to Chad for this great image. I think we may soon have a whole gallery of pics of me riding stuff based on that recently-posted lawnmower image of me.I got looking at this photo and I really like the guy in the back with the big white hat. Here's what I think is happening: That man is a wealthy rancher who used to sponsor me, but was using his influence and moeny to hold my rodeo career down. He didn't like that I didn't wear the proper rodeo attire or hat. I was the rebel who dared to shake up the rodeo community and stand up to the dirty practices of The Rancher. When I went against The Rancher, he bet against me in the big rodeo. Now, he's not a bit pleased that I am doing well. The boys on this left are his hired thugs. You can tell by their scowls. And mustaches.
Other than all this good old rodeo fun, not much is happening with me today. LaTonya brought in cupcakes for everyone. The frosting is about 4 inches high off the cupcake. That is a bit too much sugar for me this early in the morning. When I told LaTonya that I'd save it for after-lunch, she replied: "But don't stick it in your Cookie Drawer."
Now that is just silly. It's not a cookie. It doesn't belong in the Cookie Drawer. So I put it up on the Cupcake Shelf.
PTOIT QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
"So, the hatch blew off your underwear?" -Hurley on LOST.
"A special message from Pat Boone." -an actual subject line to an e-mail I got this week.
"It's more like Connecticut and less like Texas." -Doug V., in a conversation that is impossible to explain but was very funny.
"Bear? Is that you?" -Hurley on LOST.
10.19.2006
Things to MakeYou Go, "Hmmm."
At church this week, I was re-supplying the Welcome Center with youth group fliers when I found something that made me giggle.On the Welcome Center counter is this big rack of brochures about overcoming addiction, struggling with eating disorders and such. No, none of this is very funny. But then I saw this one: "Raising an Tolerant Child." Again, topically: Not funny. In fact, this brochure is pretty interesting--with some good thoughts about talking to kids about why people are so different. But...
What's the deal with this cover? How old is this? Did they do it to be funny? Does being a hippy really equate tolerance? I equate hippies with Not Showering.
Anyway, I thought I'd share it. Peace.
WEDDING WEDNESDAY (on Thursday)
So last night was the Tux Fitting. My Intended and I looked at several styles of tux and picked out the one which would adorn me on the date of our nuptials.
In this shop, they display the tuxes on these headless torso-only mannequins. The torso is held up by a single pole that runs from a base on the bottom. Most of the mannequins had tux pants hanging from the bottom of the torso to both cover the pole and to show what the full tux would look like.
So, as our Tux Helper was showing us different looks, she would move the mannequins around by reaching down below the torso and grabbing the pole. When she did this with a pants-less mannequin, I thought nothing of it. But when she reach down and grabbed a mannequin right in the zipper and picked him up, I kinda felt faint.
10.17.2006
Long Live The Cookie Drawer
I am eating a delightful Snicker Doodle cookie right now as I write. It may be surprising, but this cookie is somewhat controversial.
The issue dates back a couple of years. You see, I like cookies. Anyone who knows me won't be surprised by this admission. In fact, My Intended and I are foregoing any wedding cake at our reception in favor of cookies. Thanks to my weakness for cookies, I just never know when the cookie craving will hit. And I also hate to see cookies go to waste. So, when cookies are available around the office at birthday parties and such, I'll eat one...and put one in a drawer of my desk that I affectionately call, The Cookie Drawer.
For two years, my co-worker LaTonya has been on a campaign to shut down my Cookie Drawer. How does The Cookie Drawer affect her? Or hurt her quality of life? It doesn't--and that's Fallacy One of her argument against my cookie ways. The second fallacy is that somehow the cookie adapts the "taste" of the desk when it rests in the Cookie Drawer. "I'm sure it tastes like metal and pencil shavings," is her usual refrain.
I've never ate metal or pencil shavings, but I will tell you what my Cookie Drawer cookies taste like: Cookies. They do not inherit any wood or metal-like properties by osmosis. (I've done scientific tests. Unlike wood or metal, a Cookie Drawer cookie cannot be made into a bridge or a sword.)
Today, I finished my lunch and needed something sweet. With great happiness I remembered that we had a birthday party here at work yesterday. And I stored a cookie in The Cookie Drawer. I retrieved it. Of course, I had to point out to LaTonya how good it was--just to rub it in. She was--as I was hoping--very rattled and upset that I'd eat this cookie aftr it sat overnight in my drawer. "You didn't even wrap it up?" she shrieked. "I love baking and I feel like you dishonor the baking by not showing more honor to the cookie. God did not intend for cookies to be left uncovered. That surely is not biblical." I countered that King David worshipped the Lord uncovered. So why can't a cookie?
With all the honor and respect the Snicker Doodle rightly deserved, I ate it. And enjoyed. Afterward, I got thinking. It's possible that LaTonya is a superhero. I think she may very well possess some superhuman tasting abilities that no one else does. I am not sure how her power to taste the environment in a piece of food will stop crime, but you know Aquaman does OK with a lame power...
The issue dates back a couple of years. You see, I like cookies. Anyone who knows me won't be surprised by this admission. In fact, My Intended and I are foregoing any wedding cake at our reception in favor of cookies. Thanks to my weakness for cookies, I just never know when the cookie craving will hit. And I also hate to see cookies go to waste. So, when cookies are available around the office at birthday parties and such, I'll eat one...and put one in a drawer of my desk that I affectionately call, The Cookie Drawer.
For two years, my co-worker LaTonya has been on a campaign to shut down my Cookie Drawer. How does The Cookie Drawer affect her? Or hurt her quality of life? It doesn't--and that's Fallacy One of her argument against my cookie ways. The second fallacy is that somehow the cookie adapts the "taste" of the desk when it rests in the Cookie Drawer. "I'm sure it tastes like metal and pencil shavings," is her usual refrain.
I've never ate metal or pencil shavings, but I will tell you what my Cookie Drawer cookies taste like: Cookies. They do not inherit any wood or metal-like properties by osmosis. (I've done scientific tests. Unlike wood or metal, a Cookie Drawer cookie cannot be made into a bridge or a sword.)
Today, I finished my lunch and needed something sweet. With great happiness I remembered that we had a birthday party here at work yesterday. And I stored a cookie in The Cookie Drawer. I retrieved it. Of course, I had to point out to LaTonya how good it was--just to rub it in. She was--as I was hoping--very rattled and upset that I'd eat this cookie aftr it sat overnight in my drawer. "You didn't even wrap it up?" she shrieked. "I love baking and I feel like you dishonor the baking by not showing more honor to the cookie. God did not intend for cookies to be left uncovered. That surely is not biblical." I countered that King David worshipped the Lord uncovered. So why can't a cookie?
With all the honor and respect the Snicker Doodle rightly deserved, I ate it. And enjoyed. Afterward, I got thinking. It's possible that LaTonya is a superhero. I think she may very well possess some superhuman tasting abilities that no one else does. I am not sure how her power to taste the environment in a piece of food will stop crime, but you know Aquaman does OK with a lame power...
10.15.2006
Nothing Runs Like Me On An Ostrich
This is me riding an ostrich. The photo is courtesy of Marc. While this never happened (No really, it's not real!), I did have a run-in with the animal kingdom this weekend.I made a dangerous mistake on Saturday. I underestimated the danger of the wild. Like Siegfried & Roy, I did not respect the full power of an animal and I paid the price.
It started out innocently enough. I was at Jeff and Holly's house for Jeff's birthday party. Our old college roommate Adam (as in it was a while ago, not that he is old) was there. And we were having a lovely time. Until terror struck. I returned from the restroom (that's not the terror) to find Jeff's cat French Fry on my chair. I gently nudged him. He did not move. I poked him harder. He did not move. And so I then picked him up to lift him from the chair to the floor.
That's when all hell broke loose. At first, all was well. French Fry just enjoyed the ride. But then I made a deadly mistake. I paused for a second with the cat above Adam to taunt him. Adam shrieked like a girl and French Fry went wild. Claws went everywhere. Blood spattered. Clothing tore. When it was all over, the cat scurried away, I was left bleeding and Adam was none too pleased. He'd been speared in the side. I got it in the hand. French Fry was untouched.
I apologized to both Adam and French Fry for messing with a power I know not. French Fry was just relying on his instincts. It wasn't his fault. I tread into his territory--where I did not belong. I disturbed the peace of his feline kingdom. He was just reacting as he should as a wild beast. I'm just glad that Jeff and Holly have pet cats and not alligators. Or else, I wouldn't be here to tell about it.
Now for something completely different...
Sometimes I find old notes in my handwriting that I do not remember writing and have no ideawhat they mean. Today on my desk I found a Post-it. All it says on it is: "Kitna cures cancer."
I really have no idea what that means. And I can only guess it refers to Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna. As far as I know, he has yet to cure cancer. But maybe I had a vision. Maybe I am a prophet.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(October 9, 2006)
I am driving in my truck with my brother Chad. I hear a strange breathing noise. I look around to find it. I see several deer alongside the road and think maybe it is them. I ask Chad what he thinks it is. And then I look in my rear-view mirror. There I see a big black bear chasing us. He's fast. We can't lose him. I go around corners and speed up. But he's still there. Finally, I go around a wooded corner--and lose him. He's gone. A few minutes alter, I see him laying in the middle of the road in front of me. The bear is just laying on his back palying with his feet. I speed up and zoom around him--passing him on the left. As I pass him, I look back and realize that he's actually sitting right on the intersection of the highway and a railroad track. That's when I notice a big black steam engine is coming. And it hits the bear. At first, I am horrified. Then I just shrug it off and look forward to getting to the retreat center Chad and I are headed to.
10.13.2006
Nothing Runs Like Cement Batter
Last night, I was over at Marc's house helping him rebuild his house after we tore it down. (Of course, I keep telling him that if he hadn't torn all the walls and floors out, we wouldn't have to do all this work to put them back in!) Marc's project last night was putting in the bathroom floor so we needed cement. After putting in one bag, Marc realized that his two bags of cement weren't enough. He went to buy more and my job was to mix the final bag and apply it to the floor.
Now, let me take a brief pause in the narrative. I am not what one would call "Handy." I am not much a construction guy or carpenter or anything. My family probably reads about me helping Marc and say a little prayer that his house stays together. (In fact, when my sister heard of last night's work, she said, "I can't believe anyone would trust you with concrete!") Don't get me wrong: I work hard. I am pseudo-competent. But growing up, I was helping mom bake more than I was outside doing house or farm work. And that's exactly where we pick up the narrative....
When Marc and I were mixing concrete together, one of us would hold the mixer into the bucket while the other poured in the mix. By myself, I had to pour in the mix...and then stick in the mixer. I didn't think about mixing a little at a time. The result was that by the time I started mixing the concrete and water, the mixer wouldn't even go into the thick mixture. And when it did, it wouldn't turn. And then this here Momma's Boy got smart. I remembered the same thing happening when I bake cookies: the beaters not being able to turn because the dough is too thick. So, applying that experience, I started at the top slowly and worked down. Before I knew it, I had a lovely smooth batter of concrete.
While this really wasn't that much of an accomplishment, I bet I am one of the first people to ever make use of baking skills in carpentry. And I even licked the beater.
A Hole in One While Taking a Number Two
Our office has a storeroom downstairs. There's shelf after shelf of boxes, files and unused office equipment. And then, there's The Potty Putter. Oh yes, The Potty Putter. Among all the boring files, there's one shelf in the back that belongs to the advertising department. On it, are two cowboy hats and a box that claims to be a "game for the avid golfer."
The box doesn't seem to know how ridiculous it is. It seems to take itself very seriously. (And is apparently "as Seen on TV!"). Despite the seriousness, it also has a man sitting on the pot--trousers down--making a putt.
It's not for me to speculate on why this is in our office storeroom. But let me just say that I am proud to work for an organization that has this in the storeroom. And I will now look very carefully under every stall door when I go to the bathroom. Someday, I am sure I will see a little red hole flag sticking up. I will know that inside that stall, someone is wearing a cowboy hat and improving their short game. And then I will think, "This is the greatest job ever."
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: Quotes of the Week!
"Yum Yum sauce is appropriately named. Yum Yum!" - Doug F. after a weekend of Chinese food.
"I feel like I am sitting in a garden." --Our editorial coordinator Marilyn after recieiving many flowers at work for her birthday.
"They are talking about dogs!" -Marilyn again in reaction to two co-workers who were gushing for about 15 minutes about how cute somebody looked in a Halloween costume.
"You taste like fish bisquits." -Kate on LOST.
"I want to become eccentric enough to wear a newsboy hat - and not in the cool Samuel L. Jackson Kangol backwards style, but fowards. I think that's my goal for the next 10 years - just to become more and more eccentric until some synonym of the word "crazy" is asociated with my name. Like "Crazy Old Miller," "Loony Bin Marc." -Marc
Now, let me take a brief pause in the narrative. I am not what one would call "Handy." I am not much a construction guy or carpenter or anything. My family probably reads about me helping Marc and say a little prayer that his house stays together. (In fact, when my sister heard of last night's work, she said, "I can't believe anyone would trust you with concrete!") Don't get me wrong: I work hard. I am pseudo-competent. But growing up, I was helping mom bake more than I was outside doing house or farm work. And that's exactly where we pick up the narrative....
When Marc and I were mixing concrete together, one of us would hold the mixer into the bucket while the other poured in the mix. By myself, I had to pour in the mix...and then stick in the mixer. I didn't think about mixing a little at a time. The result was that by the time I started mixing the concrete and water, the mixer wouldn't even go into the thick mixture. And when it did, it wouldn't turn. And then this here Momma's Boy got smart. I remembered the same thing happening when I bake cookies: the beaters not being able to turn because the dough is too thick. So, applying that experience, I started at the top slowly and worked down. Before I knew it, I had a lovely smooth batter of concrete.
While this really wasn't that much of an accomplishment, I bet I am one of the first people to ever make use of baking skills in carpentry. And I even licked the beater.
A Hole in One While Taking a Number Two
Our office has a storeroom downstairs. There's shelf after shelf of boxes, files and unused office equipment. And then, there's The Potty Putter. Oh yes, The Potty Putter. Among all the boring files, there's one shelf in the back that belongs to the advertising department. On it, are two cowboy hats and a box that claims to be a "game for the avid golfer."
The box doesn't seem to know how ridiculous it is. It seems to take itself very seriously. (And is apparently "as Seen on TV!"). Despite the seriousness, it also has a man sitting on the pot--trousers down--making a putt.
It's not for me to speculate on why this is in our office storeroom. But let me just say that I am proud to work for an organization that has this in the storeroom. And I will now look very carefully under every stall door when I go to the bathroom. Someday, I am sure I will see a little red hole flag sticking up. I will know that inside that stall, someone is wearing a cowboy hat and improving their short game. And then I will think, "This is the greatest job ever."
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: Quotes of the Week!
"Yum Yum sauce is appropriately named. Yum Yum!" - Doug F. after a weekend of Chinese food.
"I feel like I am sitting in a garden." --Our editorial coordinator Marilyn after recieiving many flowers at work for her birthday.
"They are talking about dogs!" -Marilyn again in reaction to two co-workers who were gushing for about 15 minutes about how cute somebody looked in a Halloween costume.
"You taste like fish bisquits." -Kate on LOST.
"I want to become eccentric enough to wear a newsboy hat - and not in the cool Samuel L. Jackson Kangol backwards style, but fowards. I think that's my goal for the next 10 years - just to become more and more eccentric until some synonym of the word "crazy" is asociated with my name. Like "Crazy Old Miller," "Loony Bin Marc." -Marc
10.11.2006
Nothing Sails Like A Monkey
PURPLE FEZ MONKEY AND THE LAST CRUSADE: DAY ONE
Purple Fez Monkey set sail last night on his epic quest to find his brother Red Fez Monkey, who's been missing for months. I'd considered him gone forever--and gave up hope. But now, the search is back on. I don't know where Purple Fez is going or what adventures he may have, but he's pledged to send me photos and reports of his journeys.
And now for something completely different...
Yesterday, I walked out of my office and for one small instant I could smell my high school cafeteria.
I don't know what produced the perfect storm of smells that did this--but it was there. My olfactory senses instantly took me back to standing in the high school cafeteria. That brief blast of stale-hot-dog, body-odor, fried-food and nacho-cheesey smell suddenly made me sick to my stomach and socially awkward all at once. Suddenly I was terribly worried about finding someone to sit with.
And then I remembered where I was.
Purple Fez Monkey set sail last night on his epic quest to find his brother Red Fez Monkey, who's been missing for months. I'd considered him gone forever--and gave up hope. But now, the search is back on. I don't know where Purple Fez is going or what adventures he may have, but he's pledged to send me photos and reports of his journeys.And now for something completely different...
Yesterday, I walked out of my office and for one small instant I could smell my high school cafeteria.
I don't know what produced the perfect storm of smells that did this--but it was there. My olfactory senses instantly took me back to standing in the high school cafeteria. That brief blast of stale-hot-dog, body-odor, fried-food and nacho-cheesey smell suddenly made me sick to my stomach and socially awkward all at once. Suddenly I was terribly worried about finding someone to sit with.
And then I remembered where I was.
Nothing Runs Like a Monkey
The other day I was going through entries for a contest our magazine is doing. I enjoy seeing the creative e-mail addresses of our readers. The best I saw that day was: mymonkeyssaysyoureawiener@blahblah. (Note to my sarcastic comment board writers: no, that's not really his address.)
Anyway, I found this e-mail address to be very funny. I imagined this kid growing up and using that address while e-mailing his resume to get a job. Or communicating with the father of a new girlfriend. Heehee. When I shared the funny address with Marc, however, the situation became more sinister. Marc's suspicion is that this e-mail was setup by whoever took my missing Red Fez Monkey. And now that thief is rubbing it in. He's stressing that it's HIS monkey. And he's implying that Red Fez doesn't like me.
With my anger, hurt and loss all stirred up again, look for the Monkey Hunt to resume with renewed vigor very soon. I have a new action plan. Purple Fez Monkey has volunteered to head out on an epic journey across the globe searching for his fallen brother. And PTOIT shall chronicle his trek in photos. Coming soon: Purple Fez and the Last Crusade.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: WEDDING WEDNESDAY
I've made an appointment to pick out my tux. That's pretty exciting. But as far as I am concerned, the decision is already made. I found this tux (at right) in the catalog for the store I am going too. It was love at first sight. I'm not really big on a white tux, but the reason why it says, "Todd wear me" is that it looks like the White Sox home uniform. Slap a White Sox hat on top and it's PERFECT. (Stirrups would cement the look even more!)
My Intended is not so sold on this tux. We're still in negotiations. One consolation I do make is that unlike this striking model, I am a tad pale and pasty. If I were wearing this tux, I really would just look like a big pale sticky blob. But a pale sticky blob who is faithful to his team, nonetheless.
Anyway, I found this e-mail address to be very funny. I imagined this kid growing up and using that address while e-mailing his resume to get a job. Or communicating with the father of a new girlfriend. Heehee. When I shared the funny address with Marc, however, the situation became more sinister. Marc's suspicion is that this e-mail was setup by whoever took my missing Red Fez Monkey. And now that thief is rubbing it in. He's stressing that it's HIS monkey. And he's implying that Red Fez doesn't like me.
With my anger, hurt and loss all stirred up again, look for the Monkey Hunt to resume with renewed vigor very soon. I have a new action plan. Purple Fez Monkey has volunteered to head out on an epic journey across the globe searching for his fallen brother. And PTOIT shall chronicle his trek in photos. Coming soon: Purple Fez and the Last Crusade.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: WEDDING WEDNESDAY
I've made an appointment to pick out my tux. That's pretty exciting. But as far as I am concerned, the decision is already made. I found this tux (at right) in the catalog for the store I am going too. It was love at first sight. I'm not really big on a white tux, but the reason why it says, "Todd wear me" is that it looks like the White Sox home uniform. Slap a White Sox hat on top and it's PERFECT. (Stirrups would cement the look even more!)
My Intended is not so sold on this tux. We're still in negotiations. One consolation I do make is that unlike this striking model, I am a tad pale and pasty. If I were wearing this tux, I really would just look like a big pale sticky blob. But a pale sticky blob who is faithful to his team, nonetheless.
10.10.2006
Nothing Runs Like a Deer*
I'm losing my memory. This morning it took me about 18 tries to log into my blog. See, I deleted all my cookies (mmmm, cookies) from my computer. So, none of my regular pages remember me. And I have the world's worst capactiy for remembering login names and passwords. It took me forever to figure out what my login name was.
This incident came just after another memory issue. About two weeks ago, Marc told me that whenever he types in the new door code at work he starts with the wrong two numbers. Every time. Well, guess what? Since he told me what two numbers he accidently and incorrectly types in, I now type in those two numbers to start every time. Marc's bad memory is contagious.
There's been much chatter in the comments about a picture of me on a John Deere at my brother's farm. So, I thought I'd share. This is me ridin' dirty:
Photo 1: No vampires. No apples. But I am not going to miss an opp to post a picture of the little people.
This incident came just after another memory issue. About two weeks ago, Marc told me that whenever he types in the new door code at work he starts with the wrong two numbers. Every time. Well, guess what? Since he told me what two numbers he accidently and incorrectly types in, I now type in those two numbers to start every time. Marc's bad memory is contagious.
There's been much chatter in the comments about a picture of me on a John Deere at my brother's farm. So, I thought I'd share. This is me ridin' dirty:
*UPDATE: You'll notice that the headline of this blog is spelled "deer" and not "deere." Observant (read: pesky) commenters have noted that this is a mispelling of the John Deere name. And they are right. But the reason it happened was that I had meant to use the John Deere photo to transition into a story about a dream I had about deer, bears and my brother. But I forgot to. And then I forgot to change the headline. So you see, this whole incident just goes to stress my point that my memory is failing. So see, I planned it this way. Really.
PTOIT Special Feature: FUN WITH GOOGLE
Today, I was affected by the season and searched for the words "apples" and "vampires" in google images. Here's what I found:
Photo 1: No vampires. No apples. But I am not going to miss an opp to post a picture of the little people.
Photo 2: No vampires. No apples. But it's an unhappy punk girl in a bunny suit. Score.
Photo 3: This could be one of the more disturbing things I've ever seen. But it is exactly what I searched for...so I deserve it.
Photo 4: I know that there is no fourth photo. But that is because Blogger decided to stop letting me upload photos. My fourth photo was the best. It was a man in a banana suit. Yah. And we all know how much PTOIT enjoys people in costumes. But close your eyes and imagine it. It was fantastic.
10.09.2006
Winning Makes Even the Snack Wraps Taste Better
I went on a retreat to Michigan with the junior high youth group this weekend. It was uneventful, fun, and relaxing for the most part. We played a mammoth match of volleyball on Saturday. I always feel this odd inner-battle of wanting to crush the kids (and boast of it) and wanting to just let them win and be encouraging. But of course, the "CRUSH!" side won and when I came up to serve down 14-9 in the deciding game, I wouldn't allow a loss. But you know, it's having fun that matters. And winning is fun.
I love Michigan, but I hate getting there. Why is the only route to Michigan from Illi-noize always under construction? At some point, the construction has to end. Right? Anyway, it took us about 2 hours to get from Hinsdale to the Indiana border. Ridiculous. But before departure, we went to McDonald's. And I had another ethical dilemma.
I ordered two snack wraps, fries and a soda. The man took my order and then a woman behind him instantly prepared the tray. I had my food in like less than a minute. I sat down and began eating. When I realized that the kids' didn't get napkins, I got up. As I walked by the counter, our youth leader handed me a tray--with two snack wraps, fries and a soda. The reciept said #176--my number. And there was no one else there.
I didn't want to steal someone's food. But it appeared that they made my tray twice...however, it wouldn't be right to just take it, would it? I went back to my seat without the doppleganger tray. About 5 minutes later, I could see the tray was still there. At this point, I decided that it was an honest mistake. And no one was going to eat it but me. They couldn't reuse that food...so I might as well enjoy the bounty.
It turns out that I don't even like snack wraps. But hey, free is still free.
The only other moment of note this weekend was a prank gone bad. The girls took the pillows of the boys and hid them...in the boys' restroom. The boys' restroom is directly downstairs from the girl's restroom at the retreat house. Well, the girls' toilet back up, flooded and the water leaked through the ceiling...into our bathroom and onto the guys' pillows.
Good times.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(A dream from last night)
My mom, one other person and I were riding horses down Limestone Road back home. We turned onto 17 to head home. On the corner, Mom's horse took a number two. Right then, a police squad car arrived. The officer said that we couldn't just leave the horse's waste on the street. We had to pick it up. We had no shovels or bags. But we did have my umbrella. [Remember: I had planned to use my umbrella two weeks ago to remove a dead bird. Apparently, my umbrella is my catch-all tool now.] I scooped the horse dung into my opened umbrella. Then, I moved to the ditch to dump it. But the cop stopped me. He said I couldn't leave it. I had to take it with. So then, I re-mounted my horse and rode down a busy highway holding an opened umbrella full of crud off to my side.
I love Michigan, but I hate getting there. Why is the only route to Michigan from Illi-noize always under construction? At some point, the construction has to end. Right? Anyway, it took us about 2 hours to get from Hinsdale to the Indiana border. Ridiculous. But before departure, we went to McDonald's. And I had another ethical dilemma.
I ordered two snack wraps, fries and a soda. The man took my order and then a woman behind him instantly prepared the tray. I had my food in like less than a minute. I sat down and began eating. When I realized that the kids' didn't get napkins, I got up. As I walked by the counter, our youth leader handed me a tray--with two snack wraps, fries and a soda. The reciept said #176--my number. And there was no one else there.
I didn't want to steal someone's food. But it appeared that they made my tray twice...however, it wouldn't be right to just take it, would it? I went back to my seat without the doppleganger tray. About 5 minutes later, I could see the tray was still there. At this point, I decided that it was an honest mistake. And no one was going to eat it but me. They couldn't reuse that food...so I might as well enjoy the bounty.
It turns out that I don't even like snack wraps. But hey, free is still free.
The only other moment of note this weekend was a prank gone bad. The girls took the pillows of the boys and hid them...in the boys' restroom. The boys' restroom is directly downstairs from the girl's restroom at the retreat house. Well, the girls' toilet back up, flooded and the water leaked through the ceiling...into our bathroom and onto the guys' pillows.
Good times.
PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: DREAM LOG!
(A dream from last night)
My mom, one other person and I were riding horses down Limestone Road back home. We turned onto 17 to head home. On the corner, Mom's horse took a number two. Right then, a police squad car arrived. The officer said that we couldn't just leave the horse's waste on the street. We had to pick it up. We had no shovels or bags. But we did have my umbrella. [Remember: I had planned to use my umbrella two weeks ago to remove a dead bird. Apparently, my umbrella is my catch-all tool now.] I scooped the horse dung into my opened umbrella. Then, I moved to the ditch to dump it. But the cop stopped me. He said I couldn't leave it. I had to take it with. So then, I re-mounted my horse and rode down a busy highway holding an opened umbrella full of crud off to my side.
10.06.2006
Rockin the Keytar
I got to check out MuteMath at the Park West last night. What a show. I've heard rumors about this band's amazing live show and I've seen their former band Earthsuit deliver an amazing live show (complete with a rock mainstay: jumpsuits!). But my expectations were exceeded. Mainly because of what you see above: A Keytar. Oh yah. You don't see that rocked too often. But it's just one of many instruments employed.Every member played various intruments. There's electronics. There's odd percussion. There's beating on guitars with a mallet. And there's even this home-made insturment that looked like a metal detector with a gieger counter duct-taped to it. At one point, all four were on keys. At another point, they were all playing percussion--hitting anything that would make a sound (including stools, flourescent lights, and mic stands).
This photo was taken by Marc (I stole the top one formt he Internet. Thanks, Internet!). He, Emily and Charissa were standing up on a higher section of the floor to see better. At one point, the lead singer Paul Meany pulled a major cool rock star moment by running into the crowd...and right to Marc, Emily and Charissa. He stood by them, touched Charissa's leg and then jumped into the crowd. Charissa may not wash her pants ever again.
Another cool rock moment: The drummer was bleeding. In my understanding and perception of rock, hurting oneself and bleeding in a show--and continuing on--is big time. Way to take one for the rock, man.
PTOIT QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"What do you do when a rockstar is standing next to you?" -Marc
"I got ran over by a bike. It's how I roll." -My sister, returning to work all bloody after a very simple task to deliver paperwork to a nearby building went bad.
10.03.2006
Raining Down
It's never a good sign when someone stops you on your way in to work to say, "Just a warning before you see your office..."
The facility guy Paul met me on the way in today to warn me that my office leaked again last night. Whenever it rains, my brick wall becomes a fountain. And last night it rained like 8 feet of water here. They've tried to figure out why my office leaks but after having the roofer out here three times, it's still a mystery. Paul thinks it may be the porous bricks. I call it the Wailing Wall.
Even with the warning, my office wasn't that bad today. Paul had cleaned up most of it and dried off my papers. The only casualty was my desk calendar. But hey, it's October anyway.
Goodbye, White Sox
Speaking of October, the baseball playoffs start today. And the White Sox are sitting at home. I thought I should look back and cap the season here. Eulogize the team, if you will.
I look at the goal of the baseball season as making the postseason. If that is your target, anything less is a failure. Anything less is a disappointment. And with the Sox' 57-31 first half record and never-realized potential, not making the playoffs is a big dispointment. This team's record in the second half was on par with that of the Cubs--a team that didn't win 70 games. That's disappointing. Especially when you consider that if the Sox had only gone .500 in the second half, they would have very likely edged out the Twins. So why did they dip so badly? They scored more than one run less per game in the second half and the batting average dipped from .283 to .277. The team ERA rose from 4.44 to 4.78. (Stats as of Sept. 25). The bullpen also struggled when it counted most, producing a 6.71 ERA during the season's final month.
However, this team did win 90 games. Only 5 other teams did that. They were in the hunt until the last 2 weeks. They were in the toughest division in the league. They had incredible years from Dye, Crede, Garland, Konerko, Thome and the Gooch. There are definite bright spots. There were heroes. There were amazing comebacks and exciting plays. There were almost-perfect pitching performances. There's still joy for White Sox fans. It was a fun season--and there's hope.
So, until next spring White Sox, goodbye. It's been...something. Oh, and what happened to the promise of "Win. Or Die Trying?" No one died, White Sox. No one died.
The facility guy Paul met me on the way in today to warn me that my office leaked again last night. Whenever it rains, my brick wall becomes a fountain. And last night it rained like 8 feet of water here. They've tried to figure out why my office leaks but after having the roofer out here three times, it's still a mystery. Paul thinks it may be the porous bricks. I call it the Wailing Wall.
Even with the warning, my office wasn't that bad today. Paul had cleaned up most of it and dried off my papers. The only casualty was my desk calendar. But hey, it's October anyway.
Goodbye, White Sox
Speaking of October, the baseball playoffs start today. And the White Sox are sitting at home. I thought I should look back and cap the season here. Eulogize the team, if you will.
I look at the goal of the baseball season as making the postseason. If that is your target, anything less is a failure. Anything less is a disappointment. And with the Sox' 57-31 first half record and never-realized potential, not making the playoffs is a big dispointment. This team's record in the second half was on par with that of the Cubs--a team that didn't win 70 games. That's disappointing. Especially when you consider that if the Sox had only gone .500 in the second half, they would have very likely edged out the Twins. So why did they dip so badly? They scored more than one run less per game in the second half and the batting average dipped from .283 to .277. The team ERA rose from 4.44 to 4.78. (Stats as of Sept. 25). The bullpen also struggled when it counted most, producing a 6.71 ERA during the season's final month.
However, this team did win 90 games. Only 5 other teams did that. They were in the hunt until the last 2 weeks. They were in the toughest division in the league. They had incredible years from Dye, Crede, Garland, Konerko, Thome and the Gooch. There are definite bright spots. There were heroes. There were amazing comebacks and exciting plays. There were almost-perfect pitching performances. There's still joy for White Sox fans. It was a fun season--and there's hope.
So, until next spring White Sox, goodbye. It's been...something. Oh, and what happened to the promise of "Win. Or Die Trying?" No one died, White Sox. No one died.
10.02.2006
WHOA
37-6? I was amazed last night. We have a real football team. I knew the defense was good. I saw the offense was stable. But this exceeded my expectations (a 21-17 win). In fact, when I tuned in after youth group and heard it was 20-3, I figured we were the 3. I went home and watched the rest and wasimpressed at how dominating the defense was. Hasslebeck just couldn't do anything. How much fun is this?What are you doing Feb. 4?
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