That Suckey Thing

So, babies hate me. It's a trend. Or a conspiracy.

I was at lunch with my friend Laura, her two daughters and one of the high school youth group kids, Mike. Laura's oldest had to go to the bathroom so she asked me and Mike to watch Jenna. I love when more than one guy tries to watch babies together. I find it hilarious. And this was no exception.

I continued feeding Jenna her baby food. Everything was fine at first. And then the uncontrollable weeping and screaming began. Mike, ever helpful, suggested we try to find "that sucky thing." Holding the wailing, violently-thrashing child in one hand, I handed Mike the baby bag in the other to find the pacifier. After a few seconds of searching, he said, "Oh! and pulled something out. I thought he'd found the solution to all our troubles. And then I saw a small bottle in his hand and he said, "Look, sunscreen. Maybe that's what she wants." We didn't lather her up, but I am pretty sure that's not what she wanted.

Mike then found a rattle. He began shaking it loudly. "Mike, that will do no good," I said. And then, Jenna stopped crying. She was fixated on the rattle. "Keep shaking, Mike!" After 1.3 seconds of fascination, Jenna decided the rattle wasn't entertianing after all and the crying commenced.

Luckily, Laura returned and instantly, Jenna stopped crying. I did too.

Fantasy Football Update: It may be a long season for Papa Bear Malice. I have one more player going tonight but I am down 73-40 so the odds aren't too good. I didn't think I drafted that poorly until the holes became evident yesterday. Quarterback Drew Brees may have not been the "best" choice. I need more than 1 TD from you, Drew. Heck, I should have taken Rex Grossman over him. One thing I am bitter about is that I'd never heard of Reuben Droughns of Cleveland until the draft. My draft sheet said he was the next highly rated runningback to take. So I took him. The reality: He blows. Cleveland only gave him the ball 11 times. 27 yards, Reuben? No thanks. Of course, there is hope. My receiving corp (Harrison, Coles, Shockey and Ward) is strong. We may still pull together a decent season. And at least I have no Packers.

PTOIT Special Feature: Dream Log!
(Dated April 5, 2005)
I'm in a large banquet room and there's a room full of formally-dressed old men. We are all eating at round tables. It's a memorial service for the Pope. An old priest asks me to do a reading in the service. I agree to. When the time comes in the service, I go to the lecturn and start the reading. That's when I realize it is in Polish. And I don't know Polish. I wish I would have prepared more. Instead, I begin to just sound out the words. I pretend like I know what I am saying. As I go, I begin to actually understand it. In fact, the words begin to physically turn into English on the page.