Dead Animal Rescue

I got a call this week at work from an old friend of mine ("Old" as in we've been friends a long time. Not that she is old). She sounded shaken. She said, "Todd, I need help." I asked her what was wrong. "I need to be somewhere," she said. "But I heard a noise outside and I thought, 'That sounded like a bird flying into my screen door. But that can't be what it was.'"

It was. And the bird was dead right outside her door--and on her path out of her apartment. "I tried to get past it," she said. "But I just can't do it. I just can't walk past it. Can you come get the bird?"

I've never recieved a call like this before. I've never had any "dead animal pickup" calls before. Luckily, her apartment is not far from my work. So I went over-armed with a garbage bag and an umbrella. It wasn't raining. But I thought I'd use the umbrella to prod the bird into the bag.

When I got there, my friend was still trapped in her home by this lifeless winged threat. And I found a broom outside another apartment. So I took it. No use in contaminating a good umbrella. Luckily, the bird was in a spot where he was easily swept into the bag. However, on the first try he just sat on the lip of the bag so I had to do a lot of jiggling to get him in. Rest In Peace, little guy. Rest In Peace.

With that act, my friend was liberated.

And now for something completely different:
I saw the ad below in a Christian magazine. The site sells Christian-themed shirts, but also this: A Christian energy drink...I guess because us believers can't just drink the regular stuff. Actually, I went to the site because I thought it might be a really clever parody to draw you to their website. But it wasn't.

You may not be able to make out the can's slogan, but it actually says, "Fused with the fruit of the spirit." Whaa? How'd they combine that with ginseng?

PTOIT SPECIAL FEATURE: QUOTES OF THE WEEK!

"Yes, Kate is like the British Navy. She sneaks up on you, surprises you, and then all the sudden you find yourself on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean." --Chris, a co-teacher of The Intended, responding to the observation that The Intended is "silently aggressive" in recruiting kids for school activities.

"You know what's a good show? That 24 with Keith Sutherland fighting all those crazy terrorists. You know, they gave that Keith Sutherland or whatever his name is an Academy Award for that show. It took them a long time because they didn't think it was a good show and then they realized it was a good show and gave him the Academy Award. He is good--always getting those crazy terrorists." --Some guy in a resturant Doug and I were patronizing.

"Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive" --Kim Etheredge, Terrell Owens' publicist addressing rumors of T.O.'s attempted-suicide--and ridiculously alluding to his three-year, $25 million contract with the Dallas Cowboys. With that line of thinking, I have about 800 reasons to be alive.